The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 9 Dec 1996 01:06:04 +0000
Hiya All...
Here's a last one from Len before he goes on to his postdoc...no offense
to the Welsh intended...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
The Scene: John Travolta and Samuel J. Jackson sitting in car talking.
(Pulp Fiction music fades off...)
S: Ok, so tell me again about the Welsh.
J: Whaddya wanna know?
S: Beastiality is legal there right?
J: Yeah, its legal but it ain't a 100% legal. I mean you can't just walk
into a field, pick up a sheep and start pumpin' away. They wan't you
to shag sheep in your home or certain designated places.
S: And those are valleys?
J: Ok, it breaks down like this: its legal to buy a sheep, its legal to
own a sheep and if you're a farmer its legal to sell or loan sheep, its
ILLEGAL to fuck sheep in public but...but...but that doesn't matter
'cos, getta loada this, the police in Wales are too stupid to notice
you've got a sheep hunging off your dick. I mean that's the intellect
the police in Wales DON'T have.
S: Arrr man. I'm not goin', that's all there is too it, I'm never
fuckin' goin'.
J: Nah man, you'd hate it the most. But do know what the funniest
thing about Wales is?
S: What?
J: Its the little differences, I mean they got the same kinda people
over there as we got here, but there they're a little different.
S: Example.
J: Ok. You can walk into a Movie theatre in Cardiff and order a lump
of coal, and I'm not talkin' about in no paper cup, I'm talkin' about a
LUMP of coal. And in Swansea you can buy coal in MacDonalds. Do you know
what they call a 1/4 pounder with cheese in Wales?
S: They don't call it a 1/4 pounder with cheese?
J: Nah man, they don't have fractions, they wouldn't know what the
fuck a 1/4 pounder is.
S: So whadda they call it?
J: A (assumes welsh accent) "Ham and Cheese Sandwhichchchch".
S: A Ham and Cheese Sandwichchchchch?
J: That's right.
S: And whadda they call a Big Mac?
J: A Big Macs a Big Mac but there they call it a Bich Machch (accent
again).
S: (immitating accent badly) A Bichch Machchchchchchch?
J: Ha ha ha
S: Whadda they call a Whopper?
J: I don't know, I didn't go outside. Do you know what they put on
French Fries in Swansea instead of ketch-up?
S: What?
J: Coal.
S: Arrr man...
J: I,ve seen 'um do it man, they fuckin' drown 'um in that shit.