The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Fri, 29 Nov 1996 14:39:19 +0000
Hiya All...
Here's a letter about birth control...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Dear Sir,
I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are
numerous. After being married for seven years and having got seven
children, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are
useless.
After getting married I was advised to use the rhythm method. Despite
trying the Tango and the Samba, my wife fell pregnant and I ruptured
myself doing the Cha-Cha. Apart from that, where do you find a band
when you get the urge at two o'clock in the morning?
A doctor suggested the safe period. At the time, we were living with
the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for the safe period, when
the house was empty. Needless to say this didn't work, and the wife
got pregnant.
A lady of several years experience said if we made love while breast
feeding we would be all right. Well, I finished up with a clear skin,
silky hair and was very healthy...but the wife got pregnant yet
again.
Another tale we heard was if the wife jumped up and down after
intercourse this would prevent pregnancy. She slipped a disk but
still got pregnant again.
I asked the chemist about the condoms and he demonstrated them, so I
bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which did not surprise
me as I never did believe how stretching one of those things over
your thumb could prevent babies.
We tried the coil next but that didn't work. It had a left-hand
screw and my wife is definitely a right-hand screw.
The Dutch cap was next and seemed to be our answer, but my wife got
severe headaches when the only size available was too tight across
the forehead.
Eventually we tried the Pill, but it kept dropping out, so she tried
it between her knees and I couldn't get anywhere near her.
You must appreciate my problems. If I can't have the operation I
will have to resort to oral sex, and I can't believe that talking
about it is any substitute for the real thing.
Yours Sincerely,
Bubba Brickhead