The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 10 Oct 1996 15:16:41 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
Here's what would happen if Microsoft were good ole Southern boys...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Ways things would be different if Microsoft was headquartered in South
Georgia
1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders.
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.
3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty
bag.
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-ight" or "Naw".
5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos.
6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse.
7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk
redneck yelling "Freebird!"
8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be Achy-
Breaky Heart.
9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt".
10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul
C++"
11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag.
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word.
13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers.
14. New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now!"
15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz".
16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am.
17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse.
18. Four words: Daisy Duke Screen Saver.
19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire...
20. Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars
in your front yard.
21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator.
22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates.
23. Instead of computer golf, the game of choice would be:
a. Interactive WWF Rasslin' (That's wrestling for you culturally
deprived types).
b. Beer bottle toss at roadsigns.
c. Mud Boggin'.
d. 'Bacca spittin' at insects.
24. Instead of MS "virus scan" it would be MS "Cooties (Lice) Rinse".
25. Not "config.sys" and 'autoexec.bat"-- but "conjugate w/sis" and
"autoparts.bunch".
26. Instead of error tones misstruck keys would be met with sound
of "Aww Sheeit".
27. Solitare would offer choice of "number of players".
28. Icon for mail trashcan shaped like a Dipsey Dumpster.
29. All shapes in Tetris would be same-sized squares.
30. Favorite adult www homepage would involve pictures of "sexy" farm
animals.