The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 7 Oct 1996 16:31:20 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
How true it is...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
\|/
-MEN-
/|\
Men are what women marry. They have two hands, two feet, and sometimes
two women, but never have more than one round or one idea at a time.
Like cigarettes, they are all made of the same material, the only
difference being that some are better disguised than others.
Generally speaking, men may be divided into two classes: husbands, and
bachelors.
A bachelor man is an eligible mass of abstinacy, entirely surrounded by
suspicion.
Husbands are of three types: Prizes, surprises, and consolation prizes.
Making a husband out of a man is one of the biggest forms of plastic art
known to civilisation. It requires science, sculpture, common sense,
faith, hope, and charity; mostly charity. It's a psychological marvel
that a soft, violet scented thing like a woman should enjoy kissing a
big, awkward, stubbly-chinned and beer-scented thing like a man.
If you flatter a man you frighten him to death. If you agree with him in
everything, you cease to interest him. If you argue with him in
everything, you cease to charm him. If you believe everything he tells
you, he thinks you are a fool and if you don't, he thinks you are a
cynic. If you wear gay-coloured rouge and a startling hat, he hesitates
to take you out. But if you wear a little brown beret and a tailored
suit, he takes you out and spends the whole evening looking at a woman
in gay-coloured rouge and a startling hat. If you join in the gaiety and
approve of his drinking, he swears you are driving him to the devil. If
you don't approve of his imbibing and urge him to give up his gaiety, he
vows you are "Snow and ice".
If you are the clinging vine type, he wonders if you have a brain. If
you are modern, advanced and intelligent, he doubts whether you have a
heart. If you are silly, he longs for a bright and intelligent mate. If
you are brilliant and intellectual, he longs for a playmate.
Man is just a worm in the dust. He wriggles around for a while and
finally some chicken gets him!!!