The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 23 Sep 1996 16:12:12 +0100
Hiya All...
A mixed variety pack of jokes...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
A very religious preacher went for a horseback ride for the first time.
He asked for a gentle horse that would take verbal commands. The stable
owner told the preacher that he had the perfect horse for him. "To have
him go, just say 'Praise the Lord.' To have him stop, just say 'Amen'"
The preacher got on the horse, said "Praise the Lord," and off he went.
After about 15 minutes the preacher noticed the horse was heading
straight at a cliff. The preacher got scared and forgot how to stop the
horse. He tried all the words he could think of, but didn't say 'Amen'.
As he got closer to the cliff's edge, he started to say the Lord's
Prayer (in anticipation of imminent death). When he got to the end
...."AND EVER," he said "Amen"--and the horse stopped four feet from the
cliff's edge.
He was so relieved at cheating death, he looked up at Heaven and said,
"PRAISE THE LORD!"
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Jessie James was robbing a train. He rushed into a car, and with guns
raised high, said, "I'm going to rape all the men, and rob all the
women."
A little-old-lady said, "Jessie, don't you have that backwards?"
A man in the back of the car said, "Honey, be quite. Jessie is the one
robbing this train."
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Two Airmen were walking down a side street in Morocco. On the second
floor baloney was a veiled women, with one breast out for the world to
see.
She shouted down to the Airmen, "Hey boys, come up here and I'll
give you something you've never had before."
One Airman said to the other, "What do you think she has, Larry,
leprosy?"
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I knew a 'Sweet-young-thing' who wouldn't touch a fly -- UNLESS IT WAS
OPEN!
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Four women were playing bridge in the Women's Locker Room, at the local
country club. There was a partition, that was open on the bottom four
feet, between the showers and where they were playing. A naked man
walked by and they could only see his lower half.
The first woman said, "He's not my husband!"
The second woman said, "He's not my husband!"
The third woman said, "He's not my husband!"
The fourth woman said, "Hell girls, he's not even a member of the club!"
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A 'sweet-young-thing' swallowed a razor blade, and was rushed to a
hospital.
Before they could get the razor blade out, she:
Gave herself a tonsillectomy-appendectomy-hysterectomy; circumcised
three interns; and cut off the middle finger of a new-found-friend.
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