CVs and Resumes...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Sun, 22 Sep 1996 19:44:14 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

Here are a few real-life examples of what not to put in your
CV/resume...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
***                                               ***
***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
***                                               ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


- Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB:

- Responsibility makes me nervous.

- They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. 
    Couldn't work under those conditions.

- Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as 
    cockroaches.

- I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

- The company made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous 
    employers.

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:

- While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly 
    disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate 
    the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to 
    ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of 
    financial management as the major sphere of responsibility.

- I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award.

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES:

- Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer 
    does not know I am looking for another job.

- My goal is to be a meteorologist.  But since I have no training in 
    meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.

- I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant.

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:

- Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep.

PERSONAL INTERESTS:

- Donating blood.  14 gallons so far.

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING:

- Education:  College, August 1880-May 1984.

- Work Experience:  Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse.

- Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

- I'm a rabid typist.

- Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain 
    operation.