Interesting Chain Mail...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Sat, 24 Aug 1996 01:29:50 +0100


Hiya Folks...

As most of you may be aware, I don't actually believe in these things,
however I am passing this one on because it is hilarious and clearly
meant to be a joke...if anyone is superstitious about chain letters,
feel free to send me 10 copies for disposal...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
***                                               ***
***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
***                                               ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

This E-MAIL has been sent to you for good luck. The original has been
worn out from having passed through the hands of so many people.  It had 
travelled around the world 70 times
     
Dear Reader: please help keep this count current. If this letter falls
into your hands after just completing one more circuit of the world,
please add one to the count. The luck has now been sent to you.
    
***YOU WILL EXPERIENCE GREAT SEX*** within four days of receiving this
letter, provided you send it on. Since the copy must tour the world, you
must make ten copies and send them to others. This is no joke. Send no
money. Send copies to people who need to GET LAID within 96 hours.
     
After he passed this letter on, a Montana Spinach Control Officer got
his penis stuck in a cow-milking machine and had the longest series of 
orgasms of his life. 

John Elliot tried to pick up a prostitute, but, because he broke the
chain, was picked up by the police instead.  When they searched his
home, they found magazines of little boys which they showed to his
neighbours. 
   
In a suburb of Paris, Don Loray's trousers were ripped by an unsatisfied
erection, 51 days after failing to circulate the letter. However, before
this happened, a condom machine gave him three condoms for the price of
one. (was this the consolation prize?)
    
Do note the following: Hebert Pudstrom received the chain in 1953.  He
asked his secretary to make ten copies and send them out. A few days
later he encountered her in a red-light district making more than he had
ever paid her at work.
     
General George Patton, who sent the letter on, saw what he thought was a
quarter in the street. When he bent down to pick it up, a beautiful
woman in a miniskirt walked by, and he got a great view.  
  
Heywood Daddit, an unemployed chicken choker, received the letter and
forgot that it had to leave his hands within 96 hours. His wife then
went bowling with his best friend and never returned.  Later, after
finding the letter again, he mailed ten copies. A few days later he got
a new wife and discovered that his old wife, who he thought was
wonderful, had made love to him like a dead salmon for all these years!
   
Alan Fairchild received the letter and, not believing, threw the letter
away. Nine days later he spilled hot coffee in his crotch.  
   
In 1987 the letter received by a young woman in Texas was faded and
barely readable, so she did not realize that this paragraph applied to
her. She promised herself she would retype the letter and send it on,
but she put it aside to do later. She was plagued with problems
including herpes and other venereal diseases she contracted in her
futile attempts to find Mr. Right in a singles bar.  The letter did not
leave her hands in 96 hours. She finally typed the letter and found a
man with a 10-inch penis.
   
Beware, however of the fate of the E-mail user at Trent University,
Peterborough, ONT, that sent this letter to himself over five thousand
times in one afternoon. Before leaving the computer lab a strange woman
came up behind him, bit his ear and put her hand down his pants  The
ensuing surprise caused him to stumble forward and cry out. As he
attempted to arrest his fall by grabbing a nearby PC, a gob of spittle
that had been flung from his mouth (as he cried out) landed deep into
the inner recesses of the computer, all three (student, strange woman
and computer) then experienced simultaneous Cyber-Orgasms of exponential
intensity before exploding in a puff of smoking data.
   
You must distribute at least ten copies within 96 hours of receiving
this letter. Those who do will find their love lives more fulfilling.
Those who do not will be doomed to one-night stands with mechanical
devices.