IBM Press Release...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 31 Jul 1996 03:11:35 +0100


Hiya All...

This has suddenly emerged all over the place, but the first person to
send it to me was Chuck...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
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*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Source unknown.


KABINDA, ZAIRE - In a move IBM officials are hailing as a major step in
the company's ongoing worldwide telecommunications revolution, M'wana
Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink
network modem yesterday to crush a nut.

Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily
cracked it open by smashing it repeatedly with the powerful modem. "I
could not crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who
added the savory nut to a thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With
IBM's help, I was able to break it."  Ndeti discovered the nut-breaking,
28.8 V.34 modem yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his
southwestern Zaire village.  During a break in shooting, which shows
African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via computer with Japanese
schoolchildren, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the modem, which he
believed would serve well as a "smashing" utensil.

Just after Ndeti shattered the nut, a 200-person Southern Baptist gospel
choir, on hand for the taping of the IBM commercial, broke out into
raucous, joyous song in celebration of the tribesman's accomplishment.

IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant was able to
provide Ndeti with practical solutions to his everyday problems.  "Our
telecommunications systems offer people all over the world global
networking solutions that fit their specific needs," said Herbert Ross,
IBM's director of marketing.  "Whether you're a nun cloistered in an
Italian abbey or an Aborigine in Australia's Great Sandy Desert, IBM has
the ideas to get you where you want to go today."

According to Ndeti, of the modem's many powerful features, most
impressive was its hard plastic casing, which easily sustained several
minutes of vigorous pounding against a large stone.  "I put the nut on a
rock, and I hit it with the modem," Ndeti said.  "The modem did not
break.  It is a good modem."

Ndeti was so impressed with the modem that he purchased a new, state-of-
the-art IBM workstation, complete with a PowerPC 601 microprocessor, a
quad-speed internal CD-ROM drive and three 16-bit ethernet networking
connectors.  The tribesman has already made good use of the computer
system, fashioning a gazelle trap out of its wires, a boat anchor out of
the monitor and a crude but effective weapon from its mouse.

"This is a good computer," said Ndeti, carving up a just-captured
gazelle with the computer's flat, sharp internal processing device.  "I
am using every part of it.  I will cook this gazelle on the keyboard."
Hours later, Ndeti capped off his delicious gazelle dinner by smoking
the computer's 200-page owner's manual.

IBM spokespeople praised Ndeti's choice of computers.  "We are pleased
that the Bantu people are turning to IBM for their business needs," said
company CEO William Allaire.  "From Kansas City to Kinshasa, IBM is
bringing the world closer together.  Our cutting-edge technology is
truly creating a global village."  The Bantu tribesmen are members of an
ever-growing, international community of users who have turned to IBM to
solve their networking needs.