The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 18 Jul 1996 11:05:19 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
Here's some silliness for you...and FYI, MRI is Magnetic Resonance
Imaging...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
The things people do.......
----------
Office Pranks on Individuals
-----------------------------
My favorite prank report from the field:
"A friend of mine who works with MRI machines bet the medical salesman
that he could not toss his wallet through the opening in the MRI magnet
-- the one the patients' head goes through -- without having the wallet
touch the sides.
The Individual's wallet included all of his credit cards, which were
instantly demagnetized in the process.
Although it cost my friend a soda, the snicker factor made it well worth
the price."
True Tales of Individuals
-------------------------
These true reports were filed by anonymous DNRC operatives:
Sighting #1:
I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my
roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure."
The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to
see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is
(unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the
hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered
with water.
Editor's note: Guess which one of these guys will be a senior manager
someday.
Sighting #2:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
Sighting #3:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when
she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it
signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled,
"What on earth are blind people doing DRIVING???"
Sighting #4:
At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the
company due to "rightsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is
fun. We should have lunch like this more often."
Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer
staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.
Sighting #5:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not
turn on.
Sighting #6 (a rare "double sighting"):
A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he
put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they'd take up
less room. When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it
was a good idea too.
Sighting #7 (from Tech Support):
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard
drive?"
Individual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that
Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free
space. Is that enough?"
Sighting #8 (from Tech Support):
Individual: Now what do I do?
Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen?
Individual: It's asking for "Enter Your Last Name."
Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name.
Individual: How do you spell that?
Sighting #9 (from Tech Support):
We received a support call from a customer who had problems connecting
to some dial-in lines. He said he found a solution to his connection
problems and would like to share it with us.
When he heard his modem retraining upon dialing in, he would pick up the
phone and make a "Kckgkth" noise, like a modem, into the phone. Then he
would hang up and get a reliable connection. He told us he would be
glad to record this noise and send it to us so that our other customers
could benefit from it.
After we stopped rolling on the floor laughing, we told him he was just
inserting line noise and was connecting at a lower speed.