The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 23 Jun 1996 10:45:57 +0100
Hiya Folks...
More ideas on how to get rid of the doorstep evangelists...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
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******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
How to Dodge Religious Solicitors
1. Listen for a minute or two with a polite but puzzled expression and
then speak in a foreign language. Better yet, make one up. Brand names
for electronic components serve as an excellent base for an impromptu
language. I've found the following bit to be an excellent opener:
'Fritzen mitsuba micht sony leam spartinza. Nakamichi shpont olufsen
takamine. Cheloken eraza fleecht?'
2. Before you open the door, put on a pair of Groucho glasses and pour
some bleach in a coffee cup. Then attempt to engage them in a serious
debate, spreading bleach fumes by blowing occasionally into the cup as
if you are cooling it. See how long you can hold them. Try to remember
not to drink out of the cup.
3. Pretend to be deaf. Point to your ears, shake your head, and make
intricate movements with your fingers and hands. This can backfire if
they happen to know sign language. In that case, switch to being blind.
4. Tell them you are a druid. This is much more convincing if you live
in an oak grove and paint yourself blue.
5. Ask them if they are from the health board about the E-bola virus
quarantine. Offer them a sip of your coffee.
6. Tell them you are not allowed to talk to strangers until the assault
case has come to trial. More effective if you come to the door with a
knife or a baseball bat.
7. Using a cordless phone, call someone you haven't talked to for a
while. Then go to the door and make gestures like you'll only be a
minute. See how long they stay.