New Element Discovered...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 21 May 1996 10:41:00 +0100


Hiya People...

Following our recent announcement of the discovery of
computerscientistium, and true to our tradition of bringing you the
latest in scientific achievement, here is the latest news on a new
element...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

Albert Einstein College of Medicine of Yeshiva University

Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System
Material Safety Data Sheet


Woman - A Chemical Hazard

Element: Woman
Symbol:  Wo
Discovered:   Adam. Datum Undetermined
Atomic Mass:  Accepted as 118lbs but known to vary from 100 to 550lbs
Occurance:    Copious quantities in all urban areas

Physical properties
1.  Surfaces usually covered with painted film
2.  Boils at nothing.  Freezes without reason.
3.  Melts if given special treatment
4.  Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore

Chemical properties
1.  Has a great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and precious stones
2.  Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances 
3.  May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known 
        reason
4.  Insoluble in liquids but activity greatly increases by saturation 
        with alcohol
5.  MOST POWERFUL MONEY REDUCING AGENT KNOWN TO MAN

Common Uses
1.  Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2.  Can be a great aid to relaxation

Tests:
1.  Pure specimen turns pink when discovered in the natural state
2.  Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

Hazards:
1.  Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2.  Illegal to posess more than one, although desireable