Re: Captain, I shrunk the Weasel!

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 27 Mar 1996 21:08:32 +0000


Hiya friends...

A little something for the select few...

- A
        xx

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************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***                                   
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**********************ANDROMEDA**********************

  ------- Forwarded message follows -------

>Title:  Captain, I Shrunk the Wesley! 
> 
>Author(s): Steven P. Miale          
> 
>Scene 1: Transporter Room 3 (what happened to 1 and 2?)
> 
>Riker: First Officer's Log, stardate 6.02x10^23. Transporter Chief
>"Potatoes" O'Brien discovered a serious problem with the transporter after
>he beamed Wesley down to the planet below for no apparent reason. We are
>not sure if it is working properly, but we will soon find out.
> 
>O'Brien: Ready for testing, sir.
> 
>Riker: Good. Beam up Wesley!
> 
>O'Brien: Want a disbursement, sir?              
> 
>Riker: Well.... no, it wouldn't be painful enough.
> 
>O'Brien: I can switch his organs around...             
> 
>Riker: Tempting, very tempting...
> 
>O'Brien: I can put his heart in his right toe.
> 
>Riker: Oooh! That would really be painful...
>        but not painful enough. Beam that slimeball
> 
><Dr. Crusher walks in>
> 
>Riker: I mean, beam that brilliant young mind aboard.
> 
>O'Brien: Yes, sir. (with an evil grin)
> 
>Riker: (mumbling) Maybe we should kill two Crushers with one stone...
> 
><The customary flash of light appears in the transporter room, but no one
>appears.>
> 
>Riker: I don't see Wesley.
> 
>Bev: Neither do I.
> 
>O'Brien: Well, he's not on the planet.
> 
>Riker: Then where is he...<evil grin appears>
> 
>Bev: No!!! You didn't...
> 
>O'Brien: At least, I don't *think* so...              
> 
>Riker: Why was the transporter broken, anyway? What was wrong?
> 
>O'Brien: Well, Wesley was screwing with it last night, trying to adjust
>the mass generator...
> 
>Riker: The what?
> 
>O'Brien: The little dohickey that controls how big the people beamed in
>get.Anyway, it didn't work, but then he got another dumb idea about how to
>defeat the Ferengi using deoderant so he ran off... little scum.
> 
>Riker: Is there a possibility that he was beamed to another part of the ship?
> 
>O'Brien: Yeah, I imagine that git could've screwed that up, too...
><Bev is crying...>
> 
>Riker: OK, I'll order security to look around for him. He'll turn up...
>eventually. <hideous laughter follows>
> 
>-----
> 
>Scene 2: Somewhere on the Enterprise.
> 
>Wesley: Where am I? It looks like some sort of corridor, but I can't tell
>- it's so huge... maybe it's an alien race hundreds of times bigger than
>humans! Maybe I can screw things up for *them*, too!       
><Security officers appear, walking down the corridor in no apparent hurry.
>They seem quite joyous, as they are gulping down tequilas.>
> 
>Wesley: Hey! They *are* human! Gosh, that dohickey I screwed up last night
>must've made me smaller! Wowie!
> 
><Riker is walking down the corridor, carrying an open bottle of Absolut.>
> 
>Wesley: <yelling> Commander Riker! Commander Riker!
> 
><Riker looks around, confused.>
>     
>Riker: I swore I heard someone. Hello?
> 
>Wesley: It's me! Down here?
> 
>Riker: <looking down> Wesley! What happened? 
> 
>Wesley: Well, I was playing, er, experimenting with the transporter to
>make people real small, and look what happened!
> 
><Riker suddenly looks quite pleased.>
> 
>Wesley: Is something wrong, sir?
> 
>Riker: You know, I always hated you.
> 
>Wesley: What?
> 
>Riker: You always save the ship with your little whiz-kid routines. Nobody
>likes you, get it? You can't act, you couldn't do a decent action scene if
>somebody fired a phaser up your stick, and most people
>on board this ship have been plotting your demise for the pastthree years!
>You screwed up the Next Generation for the last time,
>kiddo.             
> 
><Riker steps on Wesley>
> 
>-----   
>Scene 3: The Bridge
> 
>Worf: I've searched the entire ship sir. We didn't find Wesley, but in the
>process, we found about $500 in loose change, a romulan spy,the old gah
>stand we *used* to have in ten forward before it was discovered that gah
>causes cancer in Vulcan killer rabbits,and lookie here! <shows a photo> My
>high school prom picture! That's K'tek, boy was she *hot*...
> 
>Picard: Well, it was a great loss to lose ... uh, Commander Riker, could I
>see you in my ready room?
> 
>Riker: Aye, sir. 
> 
><They walk together>
> 
>Picard: Is that Wesley on the bottom of your shoe?
> 
>Riker: Huh, sir?
> 
>Picard: There are remains of a human being on the bottom of your shoe.
> 
>Riker: Shit, I thought I scraped him all off... uh, yes, sir.             
>Picard: THANK YOU COMMANDER! YAY! NO MORE WESLEY!
> 
>-----   
>Tune in for another *exciting* episode of Star Trek: The Next Bad
>Script,when Kirk, McCoy, and Spock accidently swap places with their
>comrades on the Enterprise-D, in the first installment of "Seven Years Bad
>Luck: Get A Life!"