windows .... the ultimate weapon!!

Stephen. ( )
Fri, 24 Mar 95 21:11:26 +0000

>From ukc!!R.D.Eager Wed Mar 22 20:25:47 1995
Path: ukc!!R.D.Eager
From: (rde)
Newsgroups: ukc.micro
Subject: Cool Windows 95 users
Date: Mon, 27 Feb 95 00:47:15 GMT
Organization: University of Kent at Canterbury, UK.
Lines: 49
Distribution: ukc
Message-ID: <>
And in a lighter vein...this is unattributed but is going the rounds...
REDMOND, WASHINGTON -- In order to calm growing impatience among PC users
concerning the repeated delays of its new Windows 95 operating system,
Microsoft Corporation announced what it calls the "Cool User Program  for
Windows 95."  To participate in this offer, a user pays US$10,000 at which
time he or she will be placed in a cryogenic suspension.  The user will then
remain in a state of hibernation until about a week before the Windows 95 ship
"We expect that the users will need a few days to recuperate and acquaint
themselves with the changes that will occur in society between the onset of
cold sleep and the release of Windows 95," explained a Microsoft spokesman.
These may include "the OJ Simpson trial ending, another momentous
Congressional election, faster-than-light travel and possible leaps in human
Because Microsoft expects a large response to this offer, a vast area will be
needed for the storage facility.  "We have chosen the state of Utah," stated
Microsoft,"because nobody lives there, anyway."  Spokespeople for Novell and
Wordperfect were reached for comment on this remark, but their words were not
suitable for publication.
IBM Corporation, which has previously responded to Microsoft promotions with
competing offers for their OS/2 Warp said they would not be matching
Microsoft's "Cool User" program.  "Freeze people?  What for?  Warp has already
been shipping for months," said a source who asked not to be identified.
Some industry analysts have wasted no time hailing Microsoft's plan as a
"bold, innovative" move.  In columnist Michael S. Brown's opinion column "M.S.
Brown Knows" which appears in PC Weak, Brown claims,"IBM has missed the boat
again with their failing OS/2 strategy.  Users clearly want to be frozen in
liquid Nitrogen and sealed in coffin-like units for an indeterminate period of
time."  Michael S. Brown made national headlines three years ago when he
claimed that if "Windows NT didn't completely replace DOS in six months" he
would chain himself to grating comedian Gilbert Godfried.  Today he clarifies
that "I didn't say *which* six months."
The cryogenic facility in Utah is expected to be on line April 1, 1995, but
users wishing to beta test the system may do so for a reduced fee of US$3,000.
           Bob Eager            TEAM OS/2; PS/2 Support
           Phone: +44 1227 827650
           CompuServe: 100016,2770