K.H.Wilson
(
khw@ukc.ac.uk
)
Fri, 10 Jun 1994 12:02:12 +0100
>The following material has been may have been altered by:
> (1) removing header and trailer (.sigs)
> (2) fitting it in 72 columns
> (3) correcting obvious spelling mistakes
> (4) removing page feeds
> Chuan K. Chee
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------
>This parody appeared back in October 1987. At the point it was
>originally written, I had only seen the first two episodes. By the
>time this parody was finished, I had seen the first three episodes.
>Although there are some references to future episodes in the season,
>remember that this parody uses things that were talked about on the
>net at that time. After the first two episodes, people said that the
>season wouldn't last the whole season, so I started numbering my
>parodies, starting at 19...enjoy!
>
>
> Star Trek: The Next Generation
>
> Episode XIX: Peace Restored
>
>
>Scene 1:
>
>Picard: Captain's log, supple...
>
>Troi: Pain! Oh the pain!!
>
Picard: ...mental. Troi has been yelling too long now.
> After 18 episodes she has not changed. Neither has that obnoxious kid
> Wesley. We were on route to Starbase ten (or was it one?) but instead,
> I've ordered Geordi to bring us around the sun and try the slingshot
> effect, to bring us back in time. My purpose: To finally rid ourselves
> of Troi and the kid.
>
>Wesley: [floating over Picard and tickling his bald head with a feather]
> Up here baldy!
>
>Picard: Wes! How many times must you be told to stay off the bridge!!
>
>Wesley: But I am technically not "on" the bridge! I invented this device
> which I like to call the Wesley Lifter, which makes me capable of
> levitating *over* the bridge. How's the air down there Pic?
>
>Worf: Captain, permission to fry his brains with a disrupter?
>
>Picard: Easy Worf, he'll get his soon enough.
>
>Yar: Saucer seperation complete, sir.
>
>Picard: I thought I had asked Data to do that.
>
>Yar: Well, Data is kind of tired after last night's...err...activities.
>
>Wes: [To Picard] Hey, speaking of which, have you done my mom yet? She
> really wants you badly! Though I really don't see what she sees in
> you. Bald and all. I could invent a pill which would cure your
> baldness.
>
>Picard: Engage stardrive warp engines. Maneuver: slingshot 48.
>
>Geordi: Engaged.
>
>Troi: The pain!!
>
>==========================================================================
>
>Scene 2:
>
>[Aboard a familiar Constitution Class Enterprise]
>
>Spock: I am picking up an energy boost from the Kappa-Sol region, Captain.
>
>
>
>Kirk: On viewer. [After studying it for a few seconds] It looks like an
> duck. Analysis Mr. Spock.
>
>Spock: Well, Captain, it is Federation vessel, USS Enterprise, NCC 1701-D.
> Approximately five times our size. However, we have no record of it
> ever being constructed.
>
>Kirk: My god! But where is the bridge?
>
>McCoy: [Entering bridge through turbo-lift] Dammit Jim, I'm a...[suddenly
> noticing view screen] ...what's that?
>
>Spock: If they do have a saucer section, they could well be eight times
> our size.
>
>Kirk: Open hailing frequencies...[Uhura does and nods to Kirk] 'This is
> Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Identify yourselves.
>
>Picard: [Speaking as he appears on the viewscreen] This is Federation Galaxy
> Starship Enterprise Captain Jean-Luc Picard. We need your help.
>
>Kirk: How may be help?
>
>Picard: We first have a couple of people we'd like to to keep...er I mean
> meet.
>
>Kirk: Sure, we will prepare to beam them [A flash of light, as Troi and Wes
> materialize on the bridge] ...aboard!?
>
>Troi: Oh! The pain!!
>
>McCoy: [Aside to Troi] I don't blame you! I don't like my molecules
> scrambled either!
>
>Chekov: Captain! The other wessel has just warped out of our galaxy at
> maximum warp!
>
>Wes: [Looking about the bridge] Oh how primitive!
>
>Troi: Ohhhhh!
>
>McCoy: That really does sound bad. Hmmm...[Nurse Chapel enters bridge
> through the turbolift doors] Nurse Chapel will escort you to sickbay.
>
>Troi: Mom!!!!
>
>Kirk: Mom?
>
>McCoy: Mom?
>
>Chapel: Mom!?
>
>[Everyone else on bridge replies in shock, "Mom?"]
>
>McCoy: [Aside to Nurse Chapel] Ya better strap her down.
>
>========================================================================
>
>Scene 3:
>
>Ryker: I kinda feel bad about tricking Wes and especially Troi that way.
> She may of been annoying, but she was great in bed.
>
>Data: I agree.
>
>Yar: Data!!
>
>Data: No, no. I-I mean agree that it was bad to trick Troi and Wesley
> like that.
>
>Picard: I know you might feel bad now, but it had to be done. Its okay
> now though. Things are already starting to look up. Ahead warp one
> to starbase..er..one. (...or was it starbase 10??) If you need me,
> Bev and I are celebrating tonight in her quarters.
>
>===================
>
>To be continued....
>
>===================
>
>
>This episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, has been created, thanks
>to the following older episodes:
>
>Trek Classic (old series) Diet Trek (cartoons) {Same old ST
>========================= ==================== with a little
>Charlie X Yesteryear less Trek than
>The Squire of Gothos usual}
>Tomorrow is Yesterday
>The City on the Edge of Forever
>Assignment: Earth
>The Changeling
>The Empath
>And the Children Shall Lead
>
> Cherry Trek (Movies) {Trek with a little extra}
> ====================
> ST: The Motion Picture
> ST IV: The Voyage Home