The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 21 Nov 02 00:18:57 -0000
Hiya People...
I suspect we've seen one or two of these before, but the rest are
new...these were sent in by Helen...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
******* THE LOONY BIN **** loonies@bloodaxe.com *******
Archive: http://www.theloonies.co.uk/
*********** ANDROMEDA **** Internet Goddess ***********
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
The greatest length of time a woman has watched a film with her husband
without asking a stupid plot-related question was achieved on October
28, 1990, when Mrs Ethel Brunswick sat down to watch the Ipcress File.
She viewed in silence for a breathtaking 2 minutes and 40 seconds before
asking: "Is he a goodie or a baddie, then, him in the glasses?" This
broke her own record set in 1962 when sat through 2 minutes 38 seconds
of 633 Squadron before asking: "Is this a war film?"
The longest time spent dithering in a shop was 12 days between August 21
and September 2, 1995, by Mrs Sandra Wilkes in the Birmingham Branch of
Dorothy Perkins. Entering the shop on a Saturday morning, Mrs Wilkes
could not choose between two near-identical dresses which were both in
the sale. After one hour, her husband, sitting on a chair by the
changing room with his head in his hands, told her to buy both. She
eventually bought one for 12.99, only to return the next day and
exchange it for the other, which, to date, she has yet to wear. Mrs
Wilkes also holds the record for window shopping longevity, when, from
September 12, 1995, she stood motionless gazing at a pair of shoes in
Clinkard's window in Kidderminster for three weeks and two days before
eventually going home empty handed.
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was
one of 63ft 2in, equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs
Elizabeth Simkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on October
12, 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11.15am in Ropergate, Pontefract,
and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement eight hours
and 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings
of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two
lamp posts.
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 313 miles
from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn at the wheel of a Saab 900
on April 2, 1987. Dr. Thorn actually smelt burning 2 miles into the
journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the
rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest
completed journey with the choke fully out and with the right hand
indicator flashing. One hundred and ninety eight miles of the journey
was via dual carriageways. Dr Thorn drove for 197 of those miles in the
right hand lane. GBofR has been unable to confirm this as a record.
The longest period of time that a woman has delayed a queue at a shop
check-out is 6 hours 47 minutes 28 seconds in a branch of Tesco, Leeds,
on March 12, 1997. Jo Reynolds, a young mother, approached the check-out
with her trolley laden with food and watched as the assistant rang all
the items through the till. Only when the total was announced did she
begin looking for her purse. Police divers, an SAS undercover unit and
12 security guards joined the search before the purse was found at the
bottom of Miss Reynolds' handbag. She then discovered she had
insufficient cash to pay for her purchases.
The longest spell spent oblivious to traffic lights while applying make-
up was one hour 51 minutes and 38 seconds by Miss J Dobson at a road
junction in the centre of Preston on Aug 1, 1975. Miss Dobson, a piano
teacher, beautified herself through 212 cycles of the lights, creating a
tailback of irate motorists stretching 28 miles towards the Lake
District.
Mrs Mary Caterham and Mrs Marjorie Steele sat in a kitchen in Blackburn,
Lancashire and talked about nothing whatsoever for four and a half
months from May1 to August 7, 1978, pausing only for coffee, cakes and
toilet visits. Throughout the whole time, no information was exchanged
and neither woman gained any new knowledge of any kind.
The greatest number of old ladies to perish while fighting at a jumble
sale is 98, at a Methodist Church Hall in Castleford, West Yorkshire, on
February 12, 1991. When the doors opened at 10am, the initial scramble
to get in cost 16 lives, a further 25 being killed in the crush at the
first table. A seven-way skirmish then broke out over a pinafore dress
costing 10p which escalated into a full-scale melee resulting in a
further 18 lives being lost. A pitched battle over a headscarf ensued
and quickly spread throughout the hall, claiming 39 old women. The
jumble sale raised 5.28 for the Boy Scouts.
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