Investments...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Sat, 29 Jun 02 01:07:59 +0100


Hiya Loonies...

Here's everything you ever wanted to know about making investments...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********

         Archive: http://www.theloonies.co.uk/

************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment
you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs
to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions.

Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke".

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer
on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked
during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be
listening to your manager's presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks
he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a
short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The
rent, sir?" "Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month.").

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market,
which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged
and your broker is making a margin call.


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