The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Sat, 29 Jun 02 01:07:59 +0100
Hiya Loonies... Here's everything you ever wanted to know about making investments... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com********* Archive: http://www.theloonies.co.uk/ ************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50. BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com. BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell "Broke". BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you. BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter. MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation. SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "The rent, sir?" "Hahaha, well, I'm a little short this month."). COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one. YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call. Please include this information if you forward this joke: ******************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://www.theloonies.co.uk/ ******************************************************* To UNSUBSCRIBE or SUBSCRIBE email: loonies@bloodaxe.com Subject: 'unsubscribe' or 'subscribe'