The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Fri, 28 Sep 01 03:26:12 +0100
Hiya All...
This time we find out what one company is offering its retiring
employees...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
RETIREMENT PLAN
---------------
As a result of automation as well as declining workload, Management must
of necessity take steps to reduce our work force. A reduction in force
plan has been developed which appears the most equitable under the
circumstances.
Under the plan, older employees, will be placed on early retirement,
thus permitting the retention of employees who represent the future of
the company.
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the
current fiscal year via early retirement will be placed into effect
immediately. The program shall be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel
Early).
Employees who are RAPED will be given an opportunity to seek other jobs
within the company, provided that while they are being RAPED they
request a review of their employment status before actual retirement
takes place. This phase of the operation is called SCREW (Survey of
Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may also apply for a final
review. This will be known as SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
Termination).
Program policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once and SCREWED
twice, but may get the SHAFT as many times as the company deems
appropriate.
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