The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 21 Dec 2000 19:28:48 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya Loonies...
Time to look at the US election from both sides...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
DEMOCRAT RULES FOR GOLF
1.Democrats get to keep shooting until one gets par or an acceptable
score.
2.Democrats are allowed to keep score by hand, Republicans are not
allowed to keep score at all, the Democrats will appoint someone to keep
score for them.
3.If a Republican shoots par or under par on a hole, a Democratic
appointee will sue in Court to a Democratic appointed Judge that the
score is invalid.
4.Holes for Democrats will be 3ft in diameter (to allow less confusion);
Republicans will use the regulation size holes.
5.If a shot is missed by a Democrat it will be counted if the Democrat
intended it to go in, and can certify this by written statement to Rev.
Jessie Jackson.
6. Scores by Democrats can be changed after the round, if they can prove
one of the following:
a) Trees were improperly placed on the course
b) Wind speed was too strong
c) Water was placed on the course in away that confused the Democrat
on club selection.
#####
THIRD WORLD?
"A history professor from Uppsala University in Sweden, called to tell
me about an article she had read in which a Zimbabwe politician was
quoted as saying that children should study this event closely for it
shows that election fraud is not only a third world phenomena:
1. Imagine that we read of an election occurring anywhere in the third
world in which the self-declared winner was the son of the former prime
minister and that former prime minister was himself the former head of
that nation's secret police (CIA).
2. Imagine that the self-declared winner lost the popular vote but won
based on some old colonial holdover (electoral college) from the
nation's pre-democracy past.
3. Imagine that the self-declared winner's 'victory' turned on disputed
votes cast in a province governed by his brother!
4. Imagine that the first cousin of the self-declared winner worked for
a foreign owned media outlet, and that media outlet declared -
prematurely and incorrectly - that the self declared winner (the former
prime minister's son), was the new president.
5. Imagine that the poorly drafted ballots of one district, a district
heavily favoring the self-declared winner's opponent, led thousands of
voters to vote for the wrong candidate.
6. Imagine that that members of that nation's most despised caste,
fearing for their lives/livelihoods, turned out in record numbers to
vote in near-universal opposition to the self-declared winner's
candidacy.
7. Imagine that hundreds of members of that most-despised caste were
intercepted on their way to the polls by state police operating under
the authority of the self-declared winner's brother.
8. Imagine that six million people voted in the disputed province and
that the self-declared winner's 'lead' was only 327 votes. Fewer,
certainly, than the vote counting machines' margin of error.
9. Imagine that the self-declared winner and his political party
opposed a more careful by-hand inspection and re-counting of the ballots
in the disputed province or in its most hotly disputed district.
10. Imagine that the self-declared winner, himself a governor of a
major province, had the worst human rights record of any province in his
nation and actually led the nation in executions.
11. Imagine that a major campaign promise of the self-declared winner
was to appoint like-minded human rights violators to lifetime positions
on the high court of that nation.
12. Imagine that the advisors to the self-declared winner counseled the
legislators in the province ruled by the self-declared winner's brother
that they should ignore the edict of the highest court in the province
regarding election laws, and that they should seize the initiative to
declare the self-declared winner the winner, regardless of the judicial
process or rule of law.
None of us would deem such an election to be representative of anything
other than the self-declared winner's will-to-power. All of us, I
imagine, would wearily turn the page thinking that it was another sad
tale of pitiful pre- or anti-democracy peoples in some strange
elsewhere."
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