The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Wed, 29 Nov 2000 02:11:23 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya All...
Here's a new twist on an old tale...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER CLASSIC VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food
or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
MODERN VERSION:
The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the
summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and
demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
CBS, NBC and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a
table filled with food.
"America" is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a
country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?
Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where
the news stations film the group singing "We shall overcome". Jesse then
has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
Al Gore exclaims in an interview with Peter Jennings that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and calls for an immediate
tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share".
Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act",
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing
to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to
pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.
Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent welfare
recipients.
The ant loses the case. The story ends as we see the grasshopper
finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house
he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around
him because he doesn't maintain it.
The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a
drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a
gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
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