The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Fri, 18 Aug 2000 01:44:45 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya Loonies...
Here's another list for you to look at:
"Better drugs may be stuck behind counter"
Ask your pharmacist. He might be keeping
the good stuff for himself! Come see all of the
headlines at: http://www.funnyheadlines.com
OR, get them in your email twice a week!
Email: funnyheadlines-subscribe@topica.com
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Medical charts have been a source of hilarity to The Loonies
before...here are some more...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
*** ***
*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
*** ***
************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Actual Notes Found on Medical Charts nation-wide:
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
hot in bed last night.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
The patient refused autopsy.
The patient has no previous history of suicides.
Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient's medical history remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound
weight gain in past 3 days.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She is numb from her toes down.
While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The skin was moist and dry.
Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she
got a divorce.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
The lab tests indicated abnormal lover function.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a
stockbroker instead.
Skin: somewhat pale but present.
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on
the abdomen and I agree.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
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