The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 15 Jun 2000 21:02:15 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apparently this has been doing the rounds surreptitiously at Ford...it's
sent in by Rob...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
*PRESS RELEASE*
DAGENHAM - With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the
domestic market down 14 percent since 1993, Ford unveiled a new instant-
win airbag contest on Monday.
The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed
impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all
of the company's mid 2000 ranges.
"Car accidents have never been so exciting," said Ford vice-president of
marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 2000 sales
significantly. "When you play the new Ford Instant Win Airbag Game, your
next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to all England's games in
Euro 2000 & the next world cup, or a lifetime's worth of free Esso
Unleaded."
Though it does not officially begin until July 01, 2000, the airbag
promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself,
'Oh, boy, this could be it - I could be a big winner', said Cambridge's
Bernard Freeman, who lost his wife but won GBP500 on Sunday when the
Escort Si they were driving hit an oil slick at 75 mph and slammed into
an oncoming truck.
"When the car stopped rolling down the embankment, I knew Ellen was
dead, but all I could think about was getting the blood and glass out of
my eyes so I could read that airbag."
"It's really addictive," said Plymouth resident Peter Noods, speaking
from his hospital bed, where he is listed in critical condition with
severe brain haemorrhaging and a punctured right lung. "I've already
crashed four cars trying to win those tickets, but I still haven't won.
I swear, I'm going to win those tickets - even if it kills me."
Noods claimed as soon as he is well enough, he plans to buy a new Puma
and drive it into a tree.
Ford officials are not surprised the airbag contest has been so well
received.
"In the past, nobody really liked car crashes, and that's
understandable. After all, they're scary and dangerous and, sometimes,
even fatal," Ford CEO Paul Offerman said. "But now, when you drive a new
Ford car or Iveco truck, your next serious crash could mean serious
cash.
Offerman added that in the event a motorist wins a prize but is killed,
that prize will be awarded to the next of kin.
According to Ford's official contest rules, odds of winning the grand
prize, a brand new Concept Car, not to be released until 2008 are 1 in
43,000,000. Statistical experts, however, say the real chances of
winning are significantly worse.
"If you factor in the odds of getting in a serious car accident in the
first place - approximately 1 in 720,000 - the actual odds of winning a
prize each time you step in your car are more like 1 in 31 trillion."
Further, even if one is in an accident, there is no guarantee the airbag
will inflate. "I was recently broadsided by a drunk driver in my new
Galaxy," said Cardiff resident Dick Yaknasty.
"My car was totalled, and because it was the side of my car that got
hit, my airbag didn't even inflate. But what really gets me is the fact
that the drunk driver, who rammed my side with the front of his '99
Fiesta, won a GBP1000 gift certificate. That's just wrong!"
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