The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Tue, 16 May 2000 00:07:36 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya Loonies...
Here's another list for you to look at:
What are people saying about the Daily Mind Picker?
"It's kinda like when you're forced to sit next to the homeless
guy on the train, Scary but funny and interesting."
Best of all there's no smell of urine!!!!!
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For all of you who own dogs...these are the rules your dog should be
following...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
DOG RULES, SIMPLIFIED FOR HUMANS
Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across
the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human
falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl
gently to show your concern.
Barking: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark - a
lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house.
Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds.
There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in
the middle of the night hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...
Licking: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before
licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your
human a towel.
Holes: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and
upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so
they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of
each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough
holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this
problem.
Doors: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the
family dog to sleep.
The Art Of Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your
duty as the family dog to accommodate them.
Dining Etiquette: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when
there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor.
It's also a good time to practice your sniffing.
Housebreaking: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as
much of the house as possible.
Going For Walks: Rules of the road: when out for a walk with your master
or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
Couches: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all
your humans have gone to bed.
Playing: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, aim for
the flowerbed to absorb your fall, so you don't injure yourself.
Chasing Cats: When chasing cats, make sure you never - quite - catch
them. It spoils all the fun.
Chewing: Make a contribution to the fashion industry... eat a shoe.
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