The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Sun, 2 Apr 2000 13:30:00 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
Hiya All...
Here's another list for you to look at:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUREHUMOUR....one year old and growing strong
The best of the best! Weird News, Great Jokes...what more could you
ask for? You too should be a part of the BEST joke ezine on the net...
Sent almost daily in Ezine format...ADULT subscribers only!
Subscribe: purehumour-subscribe@onelist.com
Archive: http://www.escribe.com/humor/pj
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ever feel old...???...If you don't now, you will soon enough...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
*** ***
*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
*** ***
************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Subject: You are approaching 30. You are feeling very sleepy...
1. You leave gigs before the encore to "beat the rush"
2. You own a lawnmower
3. You stop dreaming of becoming a professional footballer and start
dreaming of having a son who might instead
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property
section
5. You prefer Later with Jools Holland to Top of the Pops
6. All of a sudden, Tony Blair is not 46, he's only 46
7. Before going out anywhere, you ask what the parking is like
8. Flicking through Heat magazine makes you too tired to go out
9. Rather than throw a knackered pair of trainers out, you keep them
because they'll be all right for the garden
10. You buy your first ever T-shirt without anything written on it
11. Instead of laughing at the innovations catalogue that falls out of
the newspaper you suddenly see both the benefit and money saving
properties of a plastic winter cover for your garden bench and an
electronic mole repellent for the lawn. Not to mention the plastic man
for the car to deter would-be thieves.
12. You start to worry about your parents' health.
14. Sure, you have more disposable income, but everything you want to
buy costs between 200 and 500 quid.
15. You don't get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace
and Gromit bubble bath, as the sales assistant automatically assumes
they are for your child
16. Pop music all starts to sound crap
17. You opt for Pizza Express over Pizza Hut because they don't have any
pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice half-bottle of
house white...and you can dance about in there if the mood takes you
18. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture
19. You always have enough milk in the fridge
20. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go
clubbing, you instead frequent really loud tapas restaurants and
franchise pubs with wacky names in the mistaken belief that you have not
turned into your parents
21. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time
Team with Tony Robinson. You get drawn in.
22. The benefits of a pension scheme become clear
23. You go out of your way to pick up a colour chart from B&Q
24. You wish you had a shed
25. You have a shed
26. You actually find yourself saying "They don't make 'em like that
anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of
course, in my day...."
27. Radio 2 play more songs you know than Radio 1 - and Jimmy Young has
some really interesting guests on, you know
28. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus,
you tut at school children whose diction is poor
29. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging
baskets
30. You make an effort to be in and out of the curry house by 11.00pm
31. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time,
and the indestructibility of the 20's gives way to a realisation that
you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon
and have kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and
frail and incontinent and you can't go on pissing your life up against a
wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every
time a quick pint turns into 10, and look at that, a full set of
stainless steel saucepans for 99 quid, they cost as much as 35 each if
you buy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in, and.........
Please include this information if you forward this joke:
*********************************************************
This joke and others like it, can be found in:
The Loony Bin
http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
*********************************************************
______________________________________________________________________
To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com