The Loony Bin
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loonies@bloodaxe.com
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Tue, 14 Dec 1999 04:44:33 +0000
Hiya All... Here's another one for all the dog people out there... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com********* *** *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** ************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- DOGS The First Fact 90% of pet owners talk to their pets. Pampered Pups - Versatility Limited of Dorset, England, manufactures waterproof, fireproof, bulletproof vests for dogs. - A company in Britain makes fallout shelters for pets. - Dede's Dog-O-Rama, a Manhattan store, sells $20 dog-food "deli- platters" featuring snacks that look like tacos, bagels, and lollipops. - A New York City pet shop sells a perfume for dogs called "Le Chien" for only $38 for a 3.3 ounce crystal jar. - You can get a dog house made for your pet that's an exact duplicate of your own house from Animal Manors, Inc. in New York. The cost is only about $10,000. - A company in Tokyo runs a mobile pet funeral service. Their vans make house calls whenever a beloved pet passes away. They place the remains in a coffin, read poetry, cremate the animals, give the ashes to the owner, and collect $400. - The Vitacoat Company manufactured hair dyes for dogs, so that white- coated poodles could be coloured to match the decor of the house they live in or the wardrobe of their owner. Dogs could be dyed pink for Valentine's Day or green for Christmas. They even made a dye called "Silver Sheen" that put a sparkly glitter in a dog's coat. Famous Hounds - Jayne Mansfield dyed her poodle pink to match her pink mansion. - To promote her film April in Paris Doris Day posed on the cover of Collier's magazine along with six dyed poodles: two blue, two pink, one green, and one orange. - Country singer Merle Haggard had a part Chihuahua, part terrier dog named Pepper. He posed with the dog on his album Best of the Best of Merle Haggard in 1972. Once during a tour, everything ground to a complete halt while Pepper's mother gave birth to puppies. - Tammy Fay Bakker had an air-conditioned doghouse for her pet. Fast Facts - In a study done at the University of Pennsylvania, 11 of 39 coronary victims who did not have pets died within a year, compared to only 3 out of 53 patients who owned pets. - It costs about $6,000 to raise a medium-size dog to the age of 11. - There are about 400 pet cemeteries in the U.S. - In 1894 New York State enacted the first dog-licensing law in the nation. - In 80% of dog bites, victims are bitten by a family dog or the dog of a neighbour. 60% happen between July and September. Boys under the age of 15 are the most frequent victims. - 20 mail carriers are bitten by dogs during an average day in America. - All dog breeds are genetically compatible: Great Danes can mate with Chihuahuas; and any domestic dog can breed with a wolf. - People started docking the tails of dogs around 100 A.D. because they thought it would prevent rabies. - The American Kennel Club recognizes 130 breeds and registers more than 1.2 million purebred puppies per year. In recent years the poodle and the cocker spaniel ranked highest in numbers of puppies registered. Wit Bit Pepper Rogers, the head coach at UCLA in the 1970s, said that he took a lot of criticism during his career. In fact, it got so bad that one day he said, "My dog is the only friend I have, even my wife is mad at me. I told her that a man needs at least two friends, and she told me to buy another dog." Dogs in Court - Mary Murphy, an elderly widow in California, committed suicide in 1979. She stipulated in her will that her pet collie named Sido be put to death because she feared no one could care for it as well as she did. The attorney handling the will asked the judge to excuse this provision if a good home could be found for the dog. The judge ruled that a dog is property just like anything else, and refused. A massive outcry occurred, culminating with the state legislature passing a unanimous motion demanding another hearing for Sido. This led to the passing of a new law preventing unnecessary destruction of animals. - When a woman's beloved pet poodle died, she paid good money for a proper funeral and burial. But at the graveside she opened the casket to have one last look at her dog. She was shocked and dismayed to find a dead cat in the casket instead. She filed suit seeking damages from shock and mental anguish. The judge awarded her $700 saying, "A pet is not just a thing, but occupies a special place somewhere in between a person and a piece of personal property." - A woman died, leaving her entire $100,000 fortune to her pet Pomeranian. A caretaker was appointed and the dog lived in luxury. The relatives were understandably upset about this will and were quite anxious for the dog to die so the rest of the money could be divided up among them. When the dog achieved the age of 13 without showing any signs of dying, they accused the caretaker of substituting other Pomeranians. They insisted the dog be tattooed for identification purposes. The caretaker refused. In court, the judge ruled that the dog could be identified by a simple method of X-rays and photographs and no tattoos were needed. - A woman was walking down the street when two dogs came racing across their yard, jumping against the fence and barking savagely. The lady was so startled that she jumped away, right into the street where she was hit by a car. She promptly sued the car's driver, the owner of the dogs, and the next door neighbour for failing to keep shrubs clipped so she could have seen the dogs approaching. The judge dismissed all charges, saying dogs can reasonably be expected to bark and jump against a fence. ~Quotes~ "The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too." -Samuel Butler "Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in." -Mark Twain "Money will buy a pretty good dog but it won't buy the wag of his tail." -Josh Billings "Folks will know how large your soul is by how you treat a dog." -C. Doran "When a man's dog turns against him, it is time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama." -Mark Twain "Man is an animal that makes bargains; no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another." -Adam Smith Dog Names - French people heard a dog howling and named it begle meaning open- throated or bugling: the beagle. - Schnauzer comes from the German word for snorer. - An Airedale is a breed that originated in the dale of the Aire, a river in England. - Cocker spaniels were bred to flush woodcocks in Spain. - A German dogcatcher named Louis Doberman set out to develop a watchdog by crossing terriers and pinchers. - Terriers were bred to dig in the earth to snatch small animals from burrows. The Latin word for earth is terra. - Dachs means badger in German, and hund means dog: dachshund. - Poodle comes from the German word pudel meaning splashing in water. Poodles There's a reason why poodles get those weird haircuts. Poodles were bred as retrievers. To help the dog swim faster, owners shaved off the heavy fur. The dog swam faster without the fur, but owners began to worry about the possibility of the dogs contracting pneumonia and rheumatism from the cold water. So they began to leave the fur on the chest to protect the dog's lungs, and on the legs to protect the joints. A pom- pom was left on the tail to mark the dog's place in the water. Thus the distinctive poodle cut was developed. Poodles are not French in origin. They became known as French poodles when French circuses began using them in animal acts. It's a Dog's Life - A dog's nose prints are as distinctive as our fingerprints and are used by breeders for identification. - Dogs wag their tails because it squeezes their anal scent glands and fans their signature smell all around. - Puppies don't learn to wag their tails until they're between 30 and 49 days old. - Free-roaming dogs spend up to three hours every day re-marking their scent posts. - Dogs roll in dead things to disguise their smell. A deer will sniff the wind and think, "I smell a big pile of doo-doo" instead of thinking, "I smell a canine on the prowl." - Wolves bark a little and howl a lot. Dogs bark a lot and howl a little. Wolves and dogs both howl for the same reason: to get the entire pack together in communication and galvanize them for action. A howl means, "Where are you? Come join me! Let's go do something!" Sometimes when people start singing, their dog mistakenly thinks they are howling in order to draw the pack together, and will then start howling along. - When wolves are teaching their pups to eat solid food, they will leave various animal parts laying around the den: horns, bones, hooves. The pups chew and gnaw on these objects as their teeth are coming in. When humans leave their slippers or newspapers laying around, the pup assumes it's for the same purpose, and will chew the object to bits - and then be completely bewildered when it's punished for doing what comes naturally. - An adult wolf can eat 20 lbs. of meat in a single sitting, and can consume 44 lbs. in 24 hours. - A dog has 17 muscles in each ear. - A dog can go for a month without food, but it will die if you withhold sleep for five days. - When dogs and humans sleep together, their sleep and dreaming cycles coincide. The Final Fact 7% of American dog owners admit to holding birthday parties for their dogs and inviting other dogs. Please include this information if you forward this joke: ********************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ********************************************************* ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com