The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 9 Dec 1999 04:26:11 +0000
Hiya People... Here's another list for you to look at: Ready for something different? Scream of the Crop Jokes & Quotes Free jokes and quotes emailed 3 times/wk. Plus these extras: WORD & PHRASE ORIGINS (Sundays) SUPERSTITIONS (Wednesdays) BRAIN TEASERS or FRACTURED SONG LYRICS (Fridays) To subscribe mailto:scream_of_the_crop-subscribe@egroups.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now here's a warning for those planning to become parents... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com********* *** *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** ************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- HOW PARENTHOOD CHANGES YOUR LIFE Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first: YOUR CLOTHES: 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes. THE BABY'S NAME: 1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favourites. 2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you. 3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect! PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH: 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don't bother practising because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. THE LAYETTE: 1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, colour-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they? WORRIES: 1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick up the baby. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. ACTIVITIES: 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners. GOING OUT: 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. AT HOME: 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. Please include this information if you forward this joke: ********************************************************* This joke and others like it, can be found in: The Loony Bin http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ********************************************************* ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com