The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 9 Dec 1999 04:26:11 +0000
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Now here's a warning for those planning to become parents...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
HOW PARENTHOOD CHANGES YOUR LIFE
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with
each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child
differs from having your first:
YOUR CLOTHES:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.
THE BABY'S NAME:
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and
writing combinations of all your favourites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis,
right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your
finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practising because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
THE LAYETTE:
1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, colour-coordinate them,
and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard
only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
WORRIES:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you pick
up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
ACTIVITIES:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby
Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.
GOING OUT:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees
blood.
AT HOME:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older
child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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