The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Thu, 4 Nov 1999 23:27:17 +0000
Hiya All...
Here's another list for you to look at:
Is Nothing Sacred Anymore?? Only the Law of the Buffalo:
"Great Humor in equals Great Chips out"
And for a batch of the best adult chips on the internet,
go to www.buffalosjokes.com or send a blank
e mailto:Buffalos-adult-jokes-subscribe@egroups.com
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Now on with the humour...
Here are few very strange but supposedly true stories...sent to us by
Alan...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
*** ***
*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
*** ***
************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Strange tales but true?
*****************************************************************
A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
of America, walked into the branch and wrote: "this iz a stikkup. Put
allyour muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began
to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that
he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America
deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo
Teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later,
as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
*****************************************************************
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several Days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture - of handcuffs.
******************************************************************
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a
car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and
told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and
wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was
arrested.
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Drug Possession Defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in
Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The
prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in
Christopher's jacket could have been a gun.
Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket
that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The
judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard
he required a five minute recess to compose himself.
*********************************************************************
Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
convenience store in a district court when he fired his lawyer.
Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a
fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that
Newton was the robber.
Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should
have blown your (expletive) head off." The defendant paused, then
quickly added, "if I'd been the one that was there."
The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommended a 30 year
sentence.
*********************************************************************
R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing
their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit
neighborhood.
When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for
identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it
into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because
information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two year old
armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
*********************************************************************
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of
scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused saying "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him.
At this point the robber took his drivers license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and agreed that the man
was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber then
ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of
the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two
hours later.
*********************************************************************
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"
When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
Please include this information if you forward this joke:
*********************************************************
This joke and others like it, can be found in:
The Loony Bin
http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
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