Truths About Parenting...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.com )
Tue, 30 Mar 1999 03:52:42 +0100


The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/

Hiya Loonies...

For all of you considering the joys of children...think again...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

*********THE LOONY BIN****loonies@bloodaxe.com*********
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************ANDROMEDA******Internet Goddess************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


Truths About Parenting
----------------------
 
 
- A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning.
 
- A child will not spill on a dirty floor.
 
- A young child is a noise with dirt on it.
 
- A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world 
  have nothing to do with tires.
 
- An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
 
- Avenge yourself; live long enough to be a problem to your children.
 
- Be nice to your kids, for it is they who will choose your nursing 
  home.
 
- Celibacy is not hereditary.
 
- Familiarity breeds children.
 
- For adult education, nothing beats children.
 
- God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once.
 
- God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.
 
- Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your 
  brain.
 
- Having children will turn you into your parents.
 
- If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a 
  neighbor, that's environment.
 
- If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down 
  and look comfortable.
 
- Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.
 
- Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.
 
- It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his 
  father.
 
- It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know 
  as little as their parents.
 
- Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
 
- Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
 
- One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.
 
- You can learn many things from children... like how much patience you 
  have.
 
- Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are 
  grossly underpaid.
 
- The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also 
  turns to the left.
 
- There are three ways to get things done:
   1) do it yourself
   2) hire someone to do it
   3) forbid your kids to do it
 
- There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood 
  to keep the television set going.
 
- Those who say they "sleep like a baby" haven't got one.
 
- The best thing to spend on your children is time.


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