The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Mon, 16 Nov 1998 14:23:29 +0000
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ Hiya All... Here are some new words that women can use to describe men... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ******************************************************* ******************************************************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.com *** *** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- A New Lexicon For Women About Men *Neanderful* Men haven't made much progress in the art of wooing over the last few hundred years, as evidenced by the Tonya Harding affair. Basically, it's still "here, look what I've beaten and killed for you!" Women need a way to indicate appreciation and revulsion at the same time. Now, there's a word. "Og, that was really neanderful; now please drag the bloody carcass out of the foyer, wipe off your club, and be sure to write me from jail." *Manslobber.* Some men just can't take no for an answer. The harmless majority of these Gomers are much like laboratory monkeys who keep pressing a button which administers a dose of potentially pleasurable, but eventually deadly poison. If refusing a date just doesn't get through to the bundle of glands that is yapping at your heels, women may now say "I'm sorry, Goofus, but I'm going to have to press manslobber charges." *Mammopia.* This phrase would be used to chasten men who just can't seem to focus on anything but a woman's {dairy related} body parts. When this behavior is detected, women could say "Hey buddy, I'm up here! You need radial keratotomy for that severe case of mammopia." *Premature Articulation.* This phrase would be used to assail the "Schwing Reflex," which causes men to make vulgar comments about attractive women who pass within their field of view. An occasional "Hello, Betty!" is forgivable and physiological responses are not controllable (if they were, oh happy day!). Still, men ought to know better than to say things like "Here, chickie, chickie" or "Come to Papa!" The problem is: men speak before they think. The next time it happens, women may retort, "What's the matter Hercules, have you got a case of premature articulation?" *Haskellate.* Named after the Sultan of Suck-Ups, Eddie Haskell from Leave it to Beaver, this phrase would be used to castigate men who heap meaningless flattery on women with all their motives ulterior. When the doo-doo gets deep, women could say "if these flurries haskellate any further, I'll be knee deep in it." *Blowhole.* Men are much like whales. They lie around most of the time, then surface briefly to spout off. I pity women who must nod through a nice meal while her date sounds off about his {completely made-up} accomplishments. When this happens, she should say "Moby dear, why don't you submerge now and give your blowhole a little rest. You're getting the other diners a little wet." By: Jim Rosenberg ______________________________________________________________________ To unsubscribe, write to loonies-unsubscribe@listbot.com Start Your Own FREE Email List at http://www.listbot.com/