The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.com
)
Wed, 29 Jul 1998 02:04:03 +0100
The Loony Bin - http://loonies.net800.co.uk/
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Hiya All...
Ever wonder what to put on your CV...???...learn from other
people's mistakes...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.com ***
*** Archive: http://loonies.net800.co.uk/ ***
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Below are some examples of mistakes you don't want to make on
your resume...
- "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and
my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
- "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer
science, curses in accounting."
- "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain
store."
- "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
- "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
- "I am a rabid typist."
- "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and
selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
- "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not
appropriate for business."
- "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
- "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
- "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely
nothing and absolutely no one."
- "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
- "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining
composer."
- "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously,
they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
- "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock
brokerage."
- "I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
- "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ...Please feel free to
respond to my resume on my office voicemail."
- "Qualifications: No education or experience."
- "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
- "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
- "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my
head!"
- Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear
from you shorty!"
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