Chain Letter Lunacy...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Mon, 13 Jul 1998 13:13:10 +0100


The Loony Bin - http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/

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Hiya Loonies...

Did you ever want to Make Money Fa$t...???

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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***                                                 ***
***                 THE LOONY BIN                   ***
***           loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk          ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
***                                                 ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

Dear Friends,
 
My name is Norm and I've got an amazing story to tell you, a
story that can make you RICH BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS!

One day I was walking down the beach and I found a lamp.
Rubbing it on my sweatpants, an amazing thing happened.  A genie
appeared.  He told me he had come to make me an AMAZING,
INCREDIBLE, ONE TIME OFFER!  All I had to do was piss people off
and for every person who started to hate me a nickel would fall
out of my ass.

Well, I was skeptical at first.  I mean, come on, shitting
nickels?  But I decided to give it a try.  I wrapped my brain
around the problem to figure out how I could make as many
enemies as possible in the shortest amount of time and it hit
me...  A chain letter, an ostensibly illegal pyramid scheme
posted in totally inappropriate newsgroup hierarchies like
soc.*, rec.*, alt.* any personals group, or best of all, a
binaries group where text posts are TOTALLY unwanted.  Well, I
went back to that genie and said I needed a little incentive to
get people to duplicate my annoying spam.

Yes folks, the genie listened and he has EXTENDED THE OFFER TO
EVERYONE! Yes, now you too can SHIT NICKELS FOR FUN AND PROFIT!
And better than that, if anyone copies the post from you and
posts it themselves, NOT ONLY WILL THEY SHIT NICKELS, BUT FOR
EVERY NICKEL THEY SHIT, YOU'LL SHIT A PENNY!


Let's look at the math with EASY TO GET responses:

With a conservative estimate of a million people on the net,
assume half of those read your post and of that half, 85% of
those people hate you.  .  .

that's 21,250 - OVER TWENTY-ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS.  .  .   RIGHT
OFF THE BAT!


And those people can be used over and over again.  Let's say
that just one other person copies this letter from your post and
reposts everywhere, getting JUST AS MANY PEOPLE PISSED OFF!!!
Even if they're the same people who got pissed off at _you_,
that's still going to mean ANOTHER $4,250 DROPPING RIGHT OUT OF
YOUR ASS!  !  !  !  PYRAMID SCHEMES RUN OUT, GET OVERSATURATED,
EVENTUALLY THERE'S NO ONE LEFT...   BUT THIS PLAN IS FOOLPROOF,
UNLIMITED, THIS LETTER CAN PISS PEOPLE OFF OVER AND OVER AND
OVER, AND YOU'LL GET RICHER EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!

Yes, with just ONE LETTER AND NO FINANCIAL INVESTMENT WHATSOEVER
you can make OVER TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!  Of course,
you'll have to clean the feces off the coins, count, and roll
them.  But that's nothing when you consider ALL THE MONEY THAT
BEING AN ASSHOLE MADE COME OUT OF YOUR ASSHOLE!

Trust me folks, it works.  It's a proven fact that if you post
pyramid scheme letters in all sorts of places PEOPLE WILL HATE
YOU!  They'll send you mail bombs, complain to your postmaster,
call you all sorts of names, BUT YOU'LL BE LAUGHING ALL THE WAY
TO THE BANK WITH CRAP COVERED COINS COMING OUT OF YOUR PANTS!

-------------------------------------------------------------
Read these testimonials from a few satisfied posters!

Dear Norm,
I never thought it possible, but you were right.  Ever since I
posted
your Shit Nickels letter, so many people have been getting
pissed at me that the nickels have just been flying out of my
ass!  I even made a game out of it.  I set a basketball hoop up
over my toilet and I just bend over and let those nickels go.
For every one that makes it through the hoop, I get two points.
I've become the Michael Jordan of nickel shitters.  And
yesterday, I started shitting pennies. THANK YOU!   THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!

Sincerely,
B.  A.   Schmuck
Fort Wayne, Indiana

Dear Norm,
Thanks again for your suggestion about lubing up with Vaseline
or KY Jelly.  After those thousands of nickels shooting out of
it, my asshole was geting sooo sore.  But I'm sore no more and
I'm rich as Croesus to boot.  Thanks for touching my life and my
ass.

Yours Always,
Cherry B.   Toodles
Los Angeles, California

--------------------------------------------------------------

Yes, folks, you too can become RICH BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS!
Copy this post everywhere, make people hate you, and you'll shit
nickels too!  Send your success stories to norm@asshole.com and
your letter might just be in the next version!

[chain letter parody; author takes no responsibility for idiots
who repost this and cannot be held liable for any nickel
shitting related injuries]


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