The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 16 Sep 1997 09:45:28 -0400 (EDT)
Hiya Loonies... It's Microsoft again...from Alan... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx Please do not reply to the loonies@coollist.com address. This may delay a response. Please use the addresses below. ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Microsoft Template ---------------------- MICROSOFT ANNOUNCES <insert new M$ application name> REDMOND, WASHINGTON -- In an effort to <insert M$'s lame idea about what user's need>, Microsoft announced today that <insert M$'s lame answer to lame idea>. "<Dumb quote from a M$ employee about how user's will 'benefit' from this new M$ application>" said a Microsoft spokesperson who requested to remain anonymous. Industry analysts were quick to praise the decision, calling it "bold and innovative!" "This new <insert new M$ application name> will free Windows users from <some bug or missing feature which is M$'s fault in the first place>. It also gives Windows a new feeling of <something that would make anyone using any other OS fall asleep>", said a member of Ziff-Davis Publishing's Editorial Staff. "This is precisely why <insert competing software application's name> is failing in the marketplace -- they have failed to deliver a <enter quality that only a Business Major turned computer journalist could dream up>." When asked when <insert new M$ application name> would be available, a Microsoft spokesperson said "<insert convoluted quote that convinces the user that the application will be released soon or even yesterday, but doesn't commit to any specific date>" The spokesperson also added, "It really doesn't matter since <insert new M$ application name> is destined to be the most <insert glorified praise for non-existent application and be sure to mention how it will be 'powerful' and 'dominate' the world software market>." Market and industry analysts quickly agreed adding that "<insert new M$ application name> has already revolutionized the industry." A spokesperson from <insert competing software vendor's name> disagreed however. "Microsoft is still trying to sell products that don't exist. <insert competing software vendor's name> has been shipping <insert competing product that is unheard of thanks to mass sucking of Bill The Gates's genitals by the public (and Joan L. Brewer)> since <insert date from pre-history (see Jurassic Park for examples)>. <insert new M$ application name> or whatever it's called, still relies on DOS's <insert stupid part of stupid DOS operating system> and is not a true <insert latest computer jive for "modern">." He added that "users who think that <insert new M$ application name> will have no problems will be in for a surprise." Most users seem to remain unconvinced however. "<insert new M$ application name> will <insert a nonsense list of things anyone using any other OS has been using since the ENIAC> and it won't have any bugs or compatibility problems because it's from Microsoft. Why should I buy <insert competing software application's name> which is less than perfect when <insert new M$ application name> is right around the corner?" -------------------<< Advertisement >>------------------- This Space for Rent! Coollist - http://www.coollist.com/advertise.htm ---------------------------------------------------------