Microsoft Announcement Template...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 16 Sep 1997 09:45:28 -0400 (EDT)


Hiya Loonies...

It's Microsoft again...from Alan...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

Microsoft Template
----------------------
     
MICROSOFT ANNOUNCES <insert new M$ application name>
     
REDMOND, WASHINGTON -- In an effort to <insert M$'s lame idea about 
what user's need>, Microsoft announced today that <insert M$'s lame 
answer to lame idea>.
     
"<Dumb quote from a M$ employee about how user's will 'benefit' from 
this new M$ application>" said a Microsoft spokesperson who requested 
to remain anonymous.
     
Industry analysts were quick to praise the decision, calling it "bold 
and innovative!"  "This new <insert new M$ application name> will 
free Windows users from <some bug or missing feature which is M$'s 
fault in the first place>.  It also gives Windows a new feeling of
<something that would make anyone using any other OS fall asleep>", 
said a member of Ziff-Davis Publishing's Editorial Staff.  "This is 
precisely why <insert competing software application's name> is 
failing in the marketplace -- they have failed to deliver a <enter 
quality that only a Business Major turned computer journalist could 
dream up>."
     
When asked when <insert new M$ application name> would be available, 
a Microsoft spokesperson said "<insert convoluted quote that convinces 
the user that the application will be released soon or even yesterday, 
but doesn't commit to any specific date>" The spokesperson also added, 
"It really doesn't matter since <insert new M$ application name> is 
destined to be the most <insert glorified praise for non-existent 
application and be sure to mention how it will be 'powerful' and 
'dominate' the world software market>."
     
Market and industry analysts quickly agreed adding that "<insert new 
M$ application name>  has already revolutionized the industry."
     
A spokesperson from <insert competing software vendor's name> 
disagreed however.  "Microsoft is still trying to sell products that 
don't exist.  <insert competing software vendor's name> has been 
shipping <insert competing product that is unheard of thanks to mass 
sucking of Bill The Gates's genitals by the public (and Joan L. Brewer)>
since <insert date from pre-history (see Jurassic Park for examples)>.
<insert new M$ application name> or whatever it's called, still 
relies on DOS's <insert stupid part of stupid DOS operating system> 
and is not a true <insert latest computer jive for "modern">."  He 
added that "users who think that <insert new M$ application name> 
will have no problems will be in for a surprise."
     
Most users seem to remain unconvinced however.  "<insert new M$ 
application name> will <insert a nonsense list of things anyone using 
any other OS has been using since the ENIAC> and it won't have any 
bugs or compatibility problems because it's from Microsoft.  Why should 
I buy <insert competing software application's name> which is less 
than perfect when <insert new M$ application name> is right around 
the corner?"


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