The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 27 Aug 1997 01:57:00 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
Do any of these sound familiar...???
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
OTHER DRIVERS
Why is it that when most people drive, everyone going slower than they
are is a moron, and those going faster are maniacs?
===================
LADY DRIVERS
A lady driver was stopped by a motorcycle cop and said to him
bitterly, "If I was speeding, so were you!"
The clerk at the motor vehicle bureau asked the lady applicant,
"Have you ever driven before?" The lady said, "Fifty thousand miles,
but not from the front seat!"
One lady driver said it all. "The thing I hate most about parking is
that noisy crash!"
===================
HOW INDEED
My daughter asked me one time, "Daddy, before you married Mommie, who
told you how to drive?"
===================
A BIRD-WATCHER'S GUIDE TO MOTORISTS
Gleeful Splatter-dasher: Loves to douse pedestrians.
Head-turning Chatterbird: Seldom keeps his eyes front.
Hill-passing Swift: Ignores "No Passing" signs on hills.
Migratory Weaverbird: Constantly jumps lanes in traffic.
Ruffle-fendered Tail-gater: Bears marks of too-close contact.
Addlepated Honker: Always sounds off without reason.
Nocturnal Dimwit: Drives in the dark with parking lights.
Torpid Highway Creeper: A menace to all other road runners.
One-eyed Nighthawk: Ignores his burned-out headlight.
Gawking Booby: Gazes around while driving. [A species related to the
Head-turning Chatterbird, above]
Crosswalk Creeper: Can't resist cheating on the takeoff.
Unfortunately, these species are not extinct, so while you're driving,
keep a sharp lookout for these birds -- and be sure no one thinks
you're one of them.
===================
NEVER TOUCHED HER
A policeman arrives at the scene of what looks like a bad accident.
There's a pedestrian lying, unmoving, in the crosswalk. The driver of
the car nearby says, "I swear, I never touched her. I saw her at the
crosswalk and came to a complete stop. I smiled and waved for her to
cross, and she fainted."