The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 30 Jul 1997 19:01:59 +0100
Hiya All... This one was sent in by an anonymous contributor... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- 10 CLUES THAT YOU NEED A NEW JOB 1. You invited Scott Adams (Dilbert) to come to your office for inspriation and Stephen King arrived instead. 2. Your co-workers start a casual discussion about how easily common office supplies can double as murder weapons. 3. Your favorite co-worker confesses that he's really an investigator for the State Attorney's Office Fraud Division. 4. You offer to turn state's evidence against your boss only to find that he's trying to cut the same deal before you can. 5. The landlord starts showing your space to prospective tenants, only to the best of your knowledge your firm has made no plans to move. 6. Arnold Schwarzenegger puts in a bid to film a scene for his next movie in your office "after the IRS is finished trashing the place." (This is before anyone knows of the impending IRS records seizure.) 7. The Accounting Department offers you company stock in lieu of your salary. 8. The Director of Purchasing has begun to discretely sell off office supplies from the company stock closet via internet ads. 9. Your boss asks you if you happen to have $100,000 that you can loan him until he gets back from his unanticipated trip to Europe. 10. The office manager is limiting the amount of ketchup and mustard packets you can use on your hot dog at the company Christmas party. 10 CLUES THAT YOU'VE JOINED THE WRONG BOAT CLUB 1. The English translation of the club's name means "$500 membership fee and $150 a year dues for nothing." 2. The insignia is a life raft. 3. The mascot is the rat who lives under the clubhouse dock. 4. The club is written up regularly in the National Equirer. 5. The much-anticipated yearly club trip is a Carnival Cruise with Kathy Lee Gifford. 6. Their New Years Eve parties traditionally ends at 10:30 p.m. 7. They hold competitions to see who can most accurately guess the age of a tatoo by how much it's faded. 8. Ted Kennedy once gave a seminar on innovative boating techniques. 9. They've stocked the vending machines with Zima. 10. The sign over the clubhouse door that says "Inflatables Welcome" refers to dates not boats. LAW OF THE GREAT OUTDOORS Forget slathering bear repellant on yourself, for maximum effectiveness slather the others in your party with steak sauce.