The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 30 Jul 1997 18:57:59 +0100
Hiya All... Here are a string of daft jokes...sent in by Alan... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*** ***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>*** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Q: Why did Maria Schriver marry Arnold Schwartzeneggar? A: They're trying to breed a bullet-proof Kennedy. Q: What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob? A: You know she'll swallow. Q: How does every ethnic joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder. Q: What's a Japanese girl's favorite holiday? A: Erection day. Q: Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the same day in Iraq? A: They don't want to wear out the camel. Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is when you use a feather; kinky is when you use the whole chicken. Q: How can you tell if a bank robber is gay? A: He ties up the safe and blows the guard. Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church? A: Only half the congregation is kneeling. Q: How can you tell the difference between a straight rodeo and a gay rodeo? A: At a straight rodeo they yell "Ride them suckers!" Q: What's the difference between a freezer and a fag? A: A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. Q: Whats the most popular pick up line in a gay bar? A: "May I push in your stool?" Q: Which is better, being born black or gay? A: Black, because you don't have to tell your parents. Q: How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony? A: It's not hard. Q: How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper? A: The tongue's still in the envelope. Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch penis? A: "Partially disabled." Q: What was Helen Keller's dog's name? A: "Huuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmth!" Q: What's small, green, and falls apart? A: A leperchaun. Q: Why does Helen Keller need two hands to masturbate? A: One to do the work and the other to moan with. Q: What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. Q: How do you save a lawyer from drowning? A: Take your foot off his head. Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle. Q: What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road? A: The skid marks are in front of the skunk. Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? A: Cut the rope. Q: How come no one ever came up with any jokes about the Jonestown incident? A: The punchlines were too long. Q: What do Rodney King and Nicole Simpson have in common? A: They just didn't listen. Q: How many Puerto Ricans does it take to grease a car? A: Just one if you hit him right. Q: What do you say to a Puerto Rican in a three piece suit? A: "Will the defendant please rise..." Q: When does a Puerto Rican become a Spaniard? A: When he marries your daughter. Q: Why are they using Mexicans instead of laboratory rats in experiments now? A: They breed faster and you don't get so attached to them. Q: When does a black man become a nigger? A: When he leaves the room. Q: What's the difference between blacks and snow tires? A: Snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them. Q: What are the three most difficult years in a Pole's life? A: Second grade. Q: What's long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A: A new last name. Q: Why don't Polish women use vibrators? A: It chips their teeth. Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands. Q: How are fat girls and mopeds alike? A: They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. Q: How do you make your wife scream after an orgasm? A: Wipe your dick on the curtains. Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love? A: "Honey, I'm home." Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After 10 years the job still sucks. Q: What's the hardest thing about a sex change from a man to a woman? A: Inserting the anchovies. Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blowjob? A: The blowjob. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blowjob. Q: Why do women have two holes on the bottom? A: So when they get drunk at a party, you can carry them home like a six-pack.