Plane Daft...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 30 Jul 1997 18:46:49 +0100


Hiya All...

This one has been sent to me several times by numerous people over the
past few weeks...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

      From actual military "squawk sheets".  (Squawk sheets are
maintenance forms filed by the flight crews to inform the maintenance
crews of problems with the aircraft.)

      Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
      Solution:  "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

      Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
      Solution:  "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."


      Problem #1:  "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
      Solution #1:  "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
      Problem #2:  "#1,#3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."


      Problem:  "The autopilot doesn't."
      Signed off:  "IT DOES NOW."


      Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
      Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."


      Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing
                gear."
      Solution: "Evidence removed."


      Problem: "Number three engine missing."
      Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."


      Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
      Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."


      Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
      Solution: Live bugs on order.


      Problem: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm
               descent.
      Solution: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


      Problem: IFF inoperative.
      Solution: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.


      Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
      Solution: That's what they're there for.