The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 1 Apr 1997 19:06:40 +0100
Hiya People...
Here's what the jargon really means...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
High Tech Computer Sales Jargon
* NEW - Different color from previous design
* ALL NEW - Parts not interchangable with previous
design
* EXCLUSIVE - Imported product
* UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition
* DESIGNED SIMPLICITY - Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone
* FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments
* ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand
it
* IT'S HERE AT LAST! - Rush job; Nobody knew it was coming
* FIELD-TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment
* HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit
* DIRECT SALES ONLY - Factory had big argument with distributor
* YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT - We finally got one that works
* REVOLUTIONARY - It's different from our competitiors
* BREAKTHROUGH - We finally figured out a way to sell it
* FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it
does
* DISTINCTIVE - A different shape and color than the
others
* MAINTENANCE-FREE - Impossible to fix
* RE-DESIGNED - Previous faults corrected, we hope...
* HAND-CRAFTED - Assembly machines operated without gloves
on
* PERFORMANCE PROVEN - Will operate through the warranty period
* MEETS ALL STANDARDS - Ours, not yours
* ALL SOLID-STATE - Weighs a ton!
* BROADCAST QUALITY - Gives a picture and produces noise
* HIGH RELIABILITY - We made it work long enough to ship it
* SMPTE BUS COMPATABILE - When completed, will be shipped by
Greyhound bus
* NEW GENERATION - Old design failed, maybe this one will
work
* MIL-SPEC COMPONENTS - We got a good deal at a government
auction
* CUSTOMER SERVICE
ACROSS THE COUNTRY - You can return it from most airports
* UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE - Nothing we ever had before worked THIS
way
* BUILT TO
PRECISION TOLERANCES - We finally got it to fit together
* SATISFACTION GUARANTEED - Manufacturer's, upon cashing your check
* MICROPROCESSOR CONTROLLED - Does things we can't explain
* AEROSPACE TECHNOLOGY - One of our techs was laid off by Boeing