The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 5 Mar 1997 18:12:35 +0000
Hiya Folks...
Here's how you tell if you're addicted to AOL...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***<bloodaxe@bigfoot.com>***
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ ***
*** ***
*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
You Might be Addicted to AOL if...
- Tech Support calls "You" for help.
- Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL.
- You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.
- You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your
significant other.
- You keep begging your friends to get an account "so we can hang out."
- Three words: Carpal tunnel syndrome.
- You want to meet a girl/guy and your first impulse is to turn on your
computer.
- You've ever gotten onto an airplane just to meet some folks face to
face.
- You have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's.
- You go into labour and you stop to type a special e-mail message
letting everyone know you're going to be away.
- You no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or
complete sentences.
- You begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing.
- When someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"
- You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the
night when your spouse is asleep.
- You know more about your AOL friends' daily routines than you do your
own spouse's.
- You have an identity crisis if someone else is using a screen name
close to your own
- You would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying too
much instead of the truth (all night online).
- You change screen names so much that you have to get your profile to
see who you are (identity crisis here).
- You're broke, your modem burns out and you go out onto the streets to
sell your body to get a new one.
- You open your home to 15 strangers for a week merely because they have
computers and cool screen names.
- Your kids are standing at your side saying "mommy, please come cook
dinner" and you would rather type another "LOL"
- You marry your cyberboyfriend/cybergirlfriend and you both sit at your
own computers and chat to each other every night from across the room.
- You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at
the same time.
- You won't work at a job that doesn't have a modem involved.
- You write a letter like this..."dear tom, hiyas! how r u doin well i
gotta go bbl!"
- You smile sideways. :-)
- Your significant other kisses your neck while you are chating and you
think "uh oh, cybersex pervo."
- You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online
before you have your first cup of coffee.
- You have to inject No-Doz into your butt to keep it awake.
- You have your computer set up so that it goes directly into AOL's
welcome screen.
- You wait 6 hours online for a certain "special" person to come home
from work.
- You end sentences with three (or more) dots while writing letters
in pen/pencil.
- Your relationship online has gone farther than any real one you have
had.
- You get up at 2 am to go the bathroom but go turn on your computer
instead.
- You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme
- Your voicemail/answering machine message is "BRB, leave your s/n and I
will TTYL."
- You want to be burried with your computer when it dies...or vice versa
- You can actually read and follow all the names of the cast that
scrolls up your tv screen at the end of a movie.
- You dream in text.
- You double click your tv remote.
- You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted
to "check your mail" and while you were there you "just wanted to see
who's on"
BTW,
IMHO this also applies to CompuServe, Prodigy, GNN, Delphi, Microsoft
Net, ATT's Worldnet and, most of all, the World Wide Web.
(That's just in case you thought only AOL had addicts.)