Cats...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 22 Jan 1997 15:17:27 +0000


Hiya All...

Here are some of the rules of cat etiquette...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
 
Rules of Etiquette for Inexperienced Cats


If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage
this in time, get to an Oriental rug.

Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap during the
evening.  He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice
kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much the
better.

For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select colours that
contrast with your own.

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do
anything. Just sit and stare.

For guests who say, "I love kitties," be ready with aloof disdain, claws
applied to stockings, or a quick nip on the ankles.

Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind
legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is
not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered
an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about
several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather
or mosquito season.

If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For
book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the
book itself.

For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to doze. Then
reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she calls a
dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.

For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being
removed for the second time, push anything movable off the table - pens,
pencils, stamps - one at a time.

Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at
night between 2 & 4 a.m.