The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Tue, 24 Dec 1996 18:32:07 +0000
Hiya Folks...
Here's the latest news on the Good Times Virus...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
***<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***
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*******************Internet Goddess********************
**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
The latest breaking news on the GOODTIMES virus.
It turns out that this so-called hoax virus is very dangerous after all.
Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive.
Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your
computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice
cream goes melty.
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the
tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch
any CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number.
It will mix orange juice into your fishtank.
It will drink all your beer and leave dirty socks on the coffee table
when company comes over.
It will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and
hide your car keys when you are late for work.
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. #
It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows
while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and
hotel room to your credit card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such
is the power of Goodtimes, it reaches out beyond the grave to sully
those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.
It will kick your dog.
It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your
voice!
It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.
It will leave the toilet seat up.
It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave
bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers
with your new snowblower.