The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 4 Dec 1996 15:07:31 +0000
Hiya People...
Here's some more news from Alan...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
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------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
ROCK-A-BYE BABY: Robert Salazar says he was having sex with one of his
employees on a balcony of a hotel in Industry, Calif., when she
changed her position, lost her balance, and fell eight stories to her
death. The employee, Sandra Orellana, a worker's compensation
insurance specialist, was reportedly not getting along with her boss,
and was considering filing sexual harassment charges against him, her
family says. Police, suspicious of Salazar's story -- and noting he
went to bed after the fall instead of calling for help -- arrested
him for murder, but he was released later for lack of evidence.
Salazar has returned to Houston to his wife and children, while
police have been throwing a dummy off the balcony to help prove -- or
disprove -- his story. (UPI) ...Meanwhile, only the victim was
qualified to rule whether this would be covered under the company's
worker's compensation policy.
LIFE AFTER DEATH: Two hours into his funeral service, Talayi George
Sogcwe sat up in his coffin. A miraculous recovery? No: he and his
wife faked his death as a test. "I simply wanted to know what people
would say about me when I am dead," he said later. The 65-year-old
Zwide, South Africa, man is happy about the outcome. "I am satisfied
they spoke the truth about me and not lies, as is often the case when
a person is dead." Sogcwe said he would keep the coffin for his real
funeral. (Reuter) ...Which may be held sooner than he thinks.
FICKLE FINGER OF FATE: Police in National City, Calif., say Victor
Arreola stopped a van and tried to carjack it. That's when the
driver, still sitting in his seat and fearing for his wife and three
children inside, slammed the door so hard that it severed Arreola's
middle finger. Officers caught up with him at a local hospital, where
they asked him to identify the detached digit. "Yeah, that's my
finger," Arreola said. An officer replied, "You're under arrest for
carjacking." Arreola thought about that for a minute, and said,
"That's not my finger." Meanwhile, a Japanese man has confessed that
he staged his own kidnaping. Toru Adojima, 39, who was being
investigated in a fraud case, disappeared two months ago. His wife
received a ransom note -- and Adojima's little finger. Police found
him in a Tokyo hotel after learning he had gone to a hospital for
pain medication -- he could no longer take the ache in his hand from
the amputation. Police said Adojima admitted cutting off his own
finger and sending it as "proof" of his kidnap, adding he got the
idea from a movie. (Reuter, UPI) ...Good thing he wasn't watching The
Addams Family.
CONFESSION IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL: Linda Russell recently called the
University of Oregon and confessed: 34 years ago, she cheated on a
final exam. The university has decided not to revoke the professional
therapist's degree, but she must write an essay on the importance of
academic integrity and how "corrosive" dishonesty can be. Also, Fyona
Campbell, who at age 16 set out on an journey to walk around the
world, which took her from 1983 to 1994, has admitted she rode in a
support truck for part of her crossing of the United States. "I
shouldn't be remembered as the first woman to walk around the world
when I cheated. I broke the unwritten rule of the Guinness Book of
Records," she said. (AP, Reuter) ..."The problems of victory are more
agreeable than the problems of defeat, but they are no less
difficult." -- Winston Churchill (1874-1965)
CONFESSIONS II: Tridentine Bishop Michael Cox of County Offaly, Ireland,
has come up with a way to minister and to help pay for restorations
at his church: a "healing and confession line". For one pound a
minute, callers can choose to talk to the Bishop, connect with a
"healing line", or say their confessions. "There is a genuine need
for a service like this, especially for people who are housebound or
living in isolated areas," Fr. Cox said. However, a spokesman at the
Vatican didn't think so. "Anyone who believes that by participating
in this form of confession is having a valid sacrament is mistaken.
Personal encounter is part of the sacrament of confession by
definition," he said. (Reuter) ...To confess to lying, press 1. To
confess to adultery, press 2. To confess to....
FORBIDDEN FRUIT: To recreate the moment when a falling apple gave Isaac
Newton the idea of gravity and, subsequently, his three laws of
motion, the U.S. National Institute of Standards and Technology and
Japan's Construction Ministry's Public Works Research Institute had
to work well in advance. Starting with a plan in 1992, the team was
able to procure a sapling from the Newton tree, which was brought to
the Arai, Niigata Prefecture in Summer, 1995. As it finally bore its
first apple, a video camera was set up to catch it falling to the
ground. However, the video didn't capture the recreated moment of
epiphany -- instead, it shows a man walking by the tree, spotting the
apple, picking it, and eating it. (UPI) ...At which point, one of the
scientists asked the man to put the apple on his head for a
recreation of the William Tell story.
UNDERCOVER: "End of Cold War Does Little to Reduce Trench Coat Sales" --
Christian Science Monitor headline
Copyright 1996 by Randy Cassingham