The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Fri, 29 Nov 1996 14:37:49 +0000
Hiya All... Here's something on getting older for you... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx *************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************* *****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** Archive: http://eleceng.ukc.ac.uk/~pjw/loonies/ *** *** *** *******************Internet Goddess******************** **********************ANDROMEDA************************ ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- BIRTHDAY Husband to wife: How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older? OLD AGE It's terrible to grow old alone. My wife hasn't had a birthday in six years. My wife says she's just turned 30 -- it was a U-turn. Nowadays my feet hurt even before I get out of bed. The hardest things for me to raise in my garden are my knees. At sixty-five you begin to regret the sins you did not commit. I must be getting old -- all my dreams about girls are reruns. It's not how old you are, but how you are old. In youth we run into difficulties, in old age difficulties run into us. Growing old has one advantage: you'll never have to do it over again. The trouble with old age is that there's not much of a future in it. CHECK UP Thought I'd let my doctor check me 'cause I didn't feel quite right. All those aches and pains annoyed me, and I couldn't sleep at night. He could find no real disorder, but he wouldn't let it rest. What with Medicare and Blue Cross, wouldn't hurt to do some tests. To the hospital he sent me, 'though I didn't feel that bad. He arranged for them to give me every test that could be had. I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped, my aging frame displayed, strapped on an ice-cold table while my gizzards were x-rayed. I was checked for worms and parasites, for fungus and the crud. Then they shoved long needles in me, taking samples of my blood. Doctors came and checked me over, probed and pushed and poked around, and to make sure I was living, had me wired up for sound. And for now they have concluded, their results have filled a page. What I have will surely kill me. My affliction is old age! Nancy Carson