The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Thu, 26 Sep 1996 16:10:33 +0100
Hiya Loonies...
Here's a UNIX situation for you...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
*************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>*************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*****<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
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**********************ANDROMEDA************************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question:
Customer : What is the command that will tell me the revision
code of a program?
UNIX Consultant : Yes, that's correct.
Customer : No, what is it ?
UNIX Consultant : Yes.
Customer : So, which is the one?
UNIX Consultant : No. 'which' is used to find the program.
Customer : Stop this. Who are you?
UNIX Consultant : Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also
'finger yoo' to get information about 'yoo'.
Customer : All I want to know is what finds the revision code?
UNIX Consultant : Use 'what'.
Customer : That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true?
UNIX Consultant : No. 'true' gives you 0.
Customer : Which one?
UNIX Consultant : 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
Customer : Let's get back to my problem. What program?
How do I find it?
UNIX Consultant : Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'.
Type 'what program' to get the revision code.
Customer : I want to find the revision code.
UNIX Consultant : You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use
'what program'.
Customer : Which command will do what I need?
UNIX Consultant : No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
Customer : I think I understand. Let me write that.
UNIX Consultant : You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on
your system.
Customer : Write what?
UNIX Consultant : No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
Customer : Cut that out!
UNIX Consultant : Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'.
Don't forget the options.
Customer : Do you always do this ?
UNIX Consultant : 'du' will give you disk usage.
Customer : HELP!
UNIX Consultant : 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System
SCCS).
Customer : You make me angry.
UNIX Consultant : No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make
programname' when I was upset once.
Customer : I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
UNIX Consultant : No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'.
Every system has 'more'.
Customer : Nice help! I'm confused more now!
UNIX Consultant : Understand that since 'help' is such a small program,
it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is
not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is
a file name.
Customer : This is almost as confusing as my PC.
UNIX Consultant : I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'.
Let me get you to the Pascal compiler team.