For the Ladies...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Wed, 18 Sep 1996 15:59:36 +0100


Hiya All...

How true it is...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
***                                               ***
***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
***                                               ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
  The man.

What's the difference between government bonds and men?
  Bonds mature.

Why do men like BMWs?
  They can spell it.

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
  Men always miss them.

Why are men like popcorn?
  They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Why is food better than men?
  Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.

Why do so many women fake orgasm?
  Because so many men fake foreplay.

Why are women so bad at mathematics?
  Because men keep telling them that this: |<--------->| is 12 inches.

Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
  At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months or
  50,000  miles, whichever came first.

How do you keep a man from wanting sex?
  You marry him.

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?
  Slow.

Why do a married man and his single male friend envy each other?
  Each one thinks the other is having sex more often.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  One, men will screw anything.

Why do men have a hole in their penis?
  So oxygen can get to their brains.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
  Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

What do ceramic tile and men have in common?
  If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for life!

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
  In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?
  A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
  To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
  They stay stuck in adolescence.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
  He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
  All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
  At the circus the clowns don't talk.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
  The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
  of driving.

How are men like lawnmowers?
  Hard to start, emit foul odors, and run out of gas 1/2 way done

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
  After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
  Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
  Breasts don't have eyes.

What is the thinnest book in the world?
  What Men Know About Women

Why are blonde jokes so short?
  So men can remember them.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?
  They're both empty from the neck up.

What's a man's idea of a seven course meal?
  A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.

How is a man like a snowstorm?
  You don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or
  how long it'll last

Why did God create man?
  Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

Husband:  I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got
             nothing to put in it.
Wife:     You wear briefs don't you?