The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 11 Sep 1996 16:19:27 +0100
Hiya All... How true these are... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************ *****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>***** *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** *** ******************Internet Goddess******************* *********************ANDROMEDA*********************** ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- Murphy's laws on technology. ---------------------------- - You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. - Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. - Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition. - Technology is dominated by those who manage what they don't understand. - If a builder built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. - The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord. - An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing. - Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. - All great discoveries are made by mistake. - Always draw your curves, then plot your reading. - Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. - All's well that ends. - A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. - The first myth of management is that it exists. - A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection. - New systems generate new problems. - To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. - We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything. - Any given program, when running, is obsolete. - Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. - A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. - Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work. - Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even the book being referred to. - The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman. - To spot the expert, pick one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most. - After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done. - Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development. - A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works. - If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying with the page number. - Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable. - Give an order verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbour File." - Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases. - If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious. - The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already have the order. - In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 9:00 a.m. on Monday. - Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches. - All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door. - The only perfect science is hind-sight. - Work smarter and not harder and be kareful with your speling. - If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist. - If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. - When all else fails, read the instructions. - If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. - Everything that goes up must come down. - Any instrument, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner. - Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way. - Build a system that even a fool can use and only the fool will use it. - The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.