The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Mon, 2 Sep 1996 16:43:53 +0100
Hiya People...
Here are even more sayings for you...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
*****<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>***<bloodaxe@geocities.com>*****
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I predict, Sir, that
you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". Disraeli replied,
"That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your
mistress."
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone
calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson
Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he
hasn't eaten in a while.
-- Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball
opponent in the Olympics
I think that the team that wins game five will win the series.
Unless we lose game five. -- Charles Barkley
My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, but then I
realized that I had no character.
-- Charles Barkley, on hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself
"the Charles Barkley of figure skating"
G M: So, Mrs. Smith, do you have any children?
S: Yes, thirteen.
G M: Thirteen! Good lord, isn't that a burden?
S: Well, I love my husband.
G M: Lady, I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
-- Groucho Marx, on _You Bet Your Life_
...and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me
would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him
yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his
heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes!
-- James Joyce, _Ulysses_
The most important thing in the programming language is the name. A language
will not succeed without a good name. I have recently invented a very good
name and now I am looking for a suitable language. -- D. E. Knuth, 1967
A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect
it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.
-- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine,
the Army's magazine of preventive maintenance
An Animated Cartoon Theology:
1. People are animals.
2. The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain.
3. Life is antagonistic to the living.
4. The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, and
plucked for music.
5. The dumb are abused by the smart and the smart destroyed by their own
cunning.
6. The small are tortured by the large and the large destroyed by their own
momentum.
7. We are able to walk on air, but only as long as our illusion supports us.
-- E. L. Doctorow "The Book of Daniel"
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.
But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't
realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Hobbes: Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?
On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler, I don't
believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler replied, "I agree,
but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to
award."
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of
legs. -- E. Grebenik
I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has
income and she is pattable. -- Ogden Nash
When I was in high school, my friends would lay anything that moved.
I choose not to limit myself.
I prefer my lovers to be female, human, and breathing, but I'll take any two
out of three in a pinch.
Old Yiddish proverb: "If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides."
Don't worry about temptation--as you grow older, it starts avoiding you.
-- Old Farmer's Almanac
On a sidewalk near Portland State University someone wrote `Trust Jesus', and
someone else wrote `But Cut the Cards'.
Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea): For best results:
Wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron.
For not so good results: Drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack.