The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 24 Jul 1996 04:36:37 +0100
Hiya People...
Here's a list of parental responses to children...
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
My wife and I are both the youngest child. Combine that with our own
experience as parents and we often satirically talk about how things
change as you have more children:
Feeling the Baby Move
===================
First Child: I placed my hand on my wife's tummy every chance I could
for two months waiting for that first time when I could feel the baby
move. Hours upon hours I waited until that magic moment when, I felt
this little movement. We called all of our relatives to tell them about
the blessed experience.
Second Child: When it first happened, my wife called me at the office. I
quickly ran home and felt the baby move. We included the experience in
all of our letters to our family.
Third Child: She told me the baby moved. I told her I would check it out
during the next commercial break. I missed out because her mother called
on the telephone so I went on watching Monday night football. By the end
of the third quarter, I finally felt the baby move.
Fourth Child: We were in bed and I was trying to sleep. I turned to her
and said "Cant you make your tummy stay still? I'm trying to sleep."
When it became clear that the baby would be jumping around for a while,
we called the pizza man for a delivery.
The Trip to the Hospital
========================
First Child: Every time we felt the slightest B&H contraction, we rushed
to the hospital. I would carry my wife to the car and lay her down in
the back seat surrounded by pillows.
Second Child: We timed the contractions. By the time she had three in
thirty minutes, we rushed to the hospital. She sat in the front seat,
with it leaned back and a pillow behind her head and another at her
feet.
Third Child: I came home from the office as soon as she started having
regular contractions. When they were five minutes apart and hard, we
went to the hospital. I gave her a pillow to hold along the way.
Fourth Child: When she called me at the office and told me that she was
having contractions hard and five minutes apart, I told her to drive to
the hospital. I would meet her there as soon as I finished the set of
correspondence I was working on. I reminded her not to forget the
pillows.
The First Step
==============
First Child: My wife grabbed the camera. I grabbed the video camera. My
wife took four rolls of film. We immediately ran out to the one-hour
developing place and had all four rolls developed with double prints. We
had the best picture blown up to 24" X 36" and framed. We hung it up in
the entry hall. I had a professional studio turn the four hours of video
I taped into a one-hour documentary complete with voice-over by a local
anchor-man.
Second Child: We took one roll of film and five minutes worth of video.
The next day we took the film and had it developed by a twenty-four hour
developing center. I took the best picture and put it into my wallet.
Third Child: We couldn't find the video-camera and we only had five
shots left on the roll of film. We took all five shots but I don't
remember if we ever got the roll developed.
Fourth Child: I quickly got up and grabbed the camera. I placed it up
high so the child wouldn't grab it.
The First Time the Child Fell and Got a Cut
===========================================
First Child: My wife and I frantically ran over to the child. We swept
him up and rushed him to the emergency room. No stitches were needed but
we spent the night with him in his room just in case the bleeding
started again.
Second Child: We walked over to her, picked her up and quickly bandaged
her up. We spent the next two hours rocking her in the living room to
comfort the pain.
Third Child: I told my wife that if he was still crying in a couple of
minutes, we should go over and make sure he isn't hurt too badly. When
he didn't stop crying, we bandaged up the cut and laid him in his bed
for a while but we went on about our business.
Fourth Child: We told the child that if she were still bleeding in a few
minutes to come over here and we would see what we could do. When the
child came walking up to the door, we told her to stay outside because
we didn't want her bleeding on the carpet.
Pacifier Falls on Floor
=======================
First Child: Mother picks it up, runs to the kitchen and disinfects it
by boiling in water for ten minutes. Then, after it cools down for ten
minutes, she gives it back to the child.
Second Child: Mother picks it up, washes it off in hot water, blows on
it to cool it down, and gives it back to the child
Third Child: Mother picks it up, licks it off, and gives it back to the
child.
Fourth child. Dog picks it up and licks it off. Mother gives it back to
the child.