On School...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Fri, 5 Jul 1996 06:58:02 +0100


Hiya People...

Here's something taken from the fabulous Emo Phillips...this is about
school...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
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  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------

                  Emo Phillips
                    ... On School!

I went to school, ya know. I went to grammar school and once we were
taking a test and I was copying this other kid's paper, and I guess the
teacher heard my Xerox machine.

She said, "Emo, am I stupid or were you cheating," and I said, "Uh, yes
and no."

She sends me to the principal's office and I get there and sit down and
he looks at me and says, "Emo, Emo, Emo."

I said, "I'm the one in the middle, you drunken slob."

He said, "Emo, how would you like to repeat the fifth grade?"  I said,
"I don't know if I could do it exactly, but I could try."

He said, "I could expel you!"

I said, "You'll have to catch and eat me first, ya weirdo."

He said, "Emo, you'll have to see the school psychologist."  And I said,
"But why do I have to see the school psychologist?"  So he showed me the
petition.

So I went to the psychologist and he says, "Emo, what does this inkblot
look like to you?"

I said, "Well, it's kind of embarrassing."

He said, "Emo, everyone sees something silly.  Don't be embarrassed.
Tell me, what does this inkblot look like to you?"

I said, "Well, uh, to me, um, it looks like, uh, standard pattern number
3 in the Rorschach series to test obsessive compulsiveness."  

And he got kind of depressed, so I said, "OK, it's a butterfly."  And he
cheered up.

"And what does this inkblot look like?"

I said it looks like a horrible, ugly blob of pure evil, that sucks the
souls of men into a vortex of sin and degradation."

He said, "No, uh the inkblots over there, that's a photo of my wife
you're looking at."

"Oh, was I far off?"

He said, "No, that's the sad part."

And he gave me a chocolate Easter bunny and I ate the bunny, then I
thought, hey, this isn't Easter. "Is this a test?"

And he said, "Yes."

"And what does it mean?"

He said, "Had you eaten the ears first you would have been normal.  Had
you eaten the feet first you would have had an inferiority complex.  Had
you eaten the tail first you would have had latent homosexual tendencies
and had you eaten the breasts first you would have had a latent Oedipal
complex."

"Well...go on, what does it mean when you bite out the eyes and
scream 'stop staring at me!!!?'"

He said, "It means you have a tendency towards self destruction."

I said, "Well, what do you recommend?"

He said, "Go for it."