The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Wed, 5 Jun 1996 08:34:30 +0100
Hiya Folks... It's Trek humour time again...and in yet another scene we wish they had made, it's time once again to assault that irritating Ensign... Wishes & Dreams... - ANDREA xx ************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************ ******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>******************* *** *** *** THE LOONY BIN *** *** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk *** *** *** ******************Internet Goddess******************* *********************ANDROMEDA*********************** ------- Forwarded foolishness follows ------- LaForge: There you are Ensign Davies. I've been looking for you. Is your com-badge working? Ensign Davies: Uhhh... (hurriedly attempting to replace an access panel, he drops it) Sh.. Sorry Sir! Just recalibrating the holodeck projectors... LaForge: Why? They were checked two days ago. They were fine. (LaForge peers into the open panel which contains the holodeck computer) Why! You've disabled the holodeck safeties! What are you doing? Ensign Davies: I can explain Sir! I was just trying... LaForge: (interrupts Davies) Just trying to hurt someone? Computer, activate holodeck safeties, tell me who is currently inside this holodeck and what program they are running. Computer: Safeties activated. Acting Ensign Wesley Crusher is inside the holodeck. He is running a program based upon tales of Robin Hood and his Merry Men. LaForge: No wonder. (bends to pick up the panel and hands it to Davies) Ensign Davies: (taking the panel) I said I could explain Sir. LaForge: No need to explain Ensign. But disabling the safeties won't work very well. And why let the Sheriff of Nottingham have all of the fun. Watch and learn Ensign. (takes a small instrument from his pocket and probes inside the opened access panel) If you cross-circuit here... and here. That should do it. Ensign Davies: What will that do Sir? LaForge: It sets some program status flags. Specifically the adult and private flags. So it won't be logged. It also disables the safeties and messes up the timer. Now watch. Computer, add words to program plot. Homosexual. Submissive. Gang rape. Four hours. Activate program changes now. Ensign Davies: (mute, wide eyed, he just stands holding the panel and gapes at LaForge) LaForge: Just one more thing. (probes inside again) There. Now the computer seems to have developed a memory glitch. Damned annoying those glitches. Just like a certain Acting Ensign. The computer won't remember and he'll never forget. Now put that panel back and be sure to wipe it off. (walks away chuckling, then mutters to himself) When I tell Worf he'll wish he was a Merry Man. (chuckles again)