Why love sometimes fails...

The Loony Bin ( loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk )
Tue, 4 Jun 1996 11:31:22 +0100


Hiya Folks...

Here's a bit of a novelty...

Wishes & Dreams...

- ANDREA
        xx

************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
***                                               ***
***                THE LOONY BIN                  ***
***          loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk         ***
***                                               ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************

  ------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------


To My Dear Wife,

During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times.  I
have succeeded 12 times.  The following list is why I didn't succeed
often.

     The sheets are clean...............54 times
     It is too late.....................17 times
     Too tired from shopping all day....49 times
     It is too early....................20 times
     It is too hot......................15 times
     Pretending to be asleep............15 times
     The neighbours will hear us.........3 times
     Headache...........................22 times
     Sunburn.............................7 times
     Your Mother will hear us............9 times
     Not in the mood....................43 times
     You will wake the baby.............17 times
     Watching the late show..............6 times
     New Hairdo..........................5 times
     Too sore...........................16 times
     Wrong time of the month............36 times
     Have to get up early...............19 times

Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because
2 times you just lay there, 4 times you reminded me that there was a
crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and get it over
with, 2 times I had to wake you up to tell you that I had finished, and
once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.

______________________________________________________________________


To My Dear Husband,

I think that you have gotten things a little confused.  Here are the
real reasons you did not get it more often than you did.

     Came home drunk and tried to fuck the cat.........15 times
     Did not come home at all..........................36 times
     Did not come......................................21 times
     Came too soon.....................................33 times
     Went soft before you got it in....................33 times
     Toes cramped......................................10 times
     Working too late..................................38 times
     Have to get up early to play golf.................29 times
     Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls....2 times
     Caught Herman in your zipper.......................4 times
     Caught a cold and your nose kept running...........3 times
     Burned your tongue on hot coffee...................3 times
     You had a splinter in your finger..................2 times
     Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book......16 times
     Watching football on TV...........................98 times
     Hemorrhoids flared up.............................10 times

Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was because
you were fucking the sheets.  I wasn't talking about the crack in the
ceiling.  What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or kneeling.
The time you felt me move was because you farted, and I was trying to
breathe!!