The Loony Bin
(
loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk
)
Sun, 12 May 1996 10:48:16 +0100
Hiya people...
Here's another man page from Pete...although I want to know why there is
no chocolate flavour option...???
Wishes & Dreams...
- ANDREA
xx
--
************<andrea@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk>************
******************<ajc6@ukc.ac.uk>*******************
*** ***
*** THE LOONY BIN ***
*** loonies@bloodaxe.demon.co.uk ***
*** ***
******************Internet Goddess*******************
*********************ANDROMEDA***********************
------- Forwarded foolishness follows -------
CONDOM(1) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual CONDOM(1)
NAME condom - Protection against viruses and prevention of
child processes
SYNOPSIS condom [options] [processid]
DESCRIPTION _condom_ provides protection against System
Transmitted Viruses (STVs) that may invade your system. Although
the spread of such viruses across a network can only be abated by
aware and cautious users, _condom_ is the only highly-effective
means of preventing viruses from entering your system (see
celibacy(1)). Any data passed to _condom_ by the protected pro-
cess will be blocked, as specified by the value of the -s option
(see OPTIONS below). _condom_ is known to defend against the
following viruses and other malicious afflictions...
o AIDS o Herpes Simplex (genital varieties)
o Syphilis o Crabs o Genital warts o Gonorrhea
o Chlamydia o Michelangelo o Jerusalem
When used alone or in conjunction with pill(1), sponge(1),
foam(1), and/or setiud(3), _condom_ also prevents the conception
of a child process. If invoked from within a synchronous pro-
cess, _condom_ has, by default, an 80% chance of preventing the
external processes from becoming parent processes (see the -s
option below). When other process contraceptives are used, the
chance of preventing a child process from being forked becomes
much greater. See pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1), and setiud(3) for
more information. If no options are given, the current
user's login process (as determined by the environment variable
USER) is protected with a Trojan rough-cut latex condom without a
reservoir tip. The optional NOTE: _condom_ may only be used
with a hard disk. _condom_ will terminate abnormally with exit
code -1 if used with a floppy disk (see DIAGNOSTICS below).
OPTIONS
The following options may be given to _condom_...
-b BRAND BRANDs are as follows...
trojan (default) ramses
sheik goldcoin
fourex
-m MATERIAL The valid MATERIALs are...
latex (default) saranwrap
membrane -- WARNING! The membrane option is _not_
endorsed by the System Administrator General as an
effective barrier against certain viruses. It is
supported only for the sake of tradition.
-f FLAVOR The following FLAVORs are currently supported...
plain (default) apple
banana cherry cinnamon
licorice orange
peppermint raspberry
spearmint strawberry
-r Toggle reservoir tip (default is no reservoir tip)
-s STRENGTH STRENGTH is an integer between 20 and 100
specifying the resilience of _condom_ against data
passed to _condom_ by the protected process.
Using a larger value of STRENGTH increases _con-
dom_'s protective abilities, but also reduces
interprocess communication. A smaller value of
STRENGTH increases interprocess communication, but
also increases the likelihood of a security
breach. An extremely vigorous process or one
passing an enormous amount of data to _condom_
will increase the chance of _condom_'s failure.
The default STRENGTH is 80%.
-t TEXTURE Valid TEXTUREs are...
rough (default) ribbed
bumps lubricated (provides smoother
interaction between processes)
WARNING: The use of an external application to _condom_ in
order to reduce friction between processes has been proven in
benchmark tests to decrease _condom_'s strength factor! If exe-
cution speed is important to your process, use the '-t lubri-
cated' option.
DIAGNOSTICS _condom_ terminates with one of the following
exit codes...
-1 An attempt was made to use _condom_ on a floppy disk.
0 _condom_ exited successfully (no data was passed to
the synchronous process).
1 _condom_ failed and data was allowed through. The
danger of transmission of an STV or the forking of a
child process is inversely proportional to the number
of other protections employed and is directly propor-
tional to the ages of the processes involved.
BUGS _condom_ is NOT 100% effective at preventing a child
process from being forked or at deterring the invasion of a virus
(although the System Administrator General has deemed that _con-
dom_ is the most effective means of preventing the spread of sys-
tem transmitted viruses). See celibacy(1) for information on a
100% effective program for preventing these problems.
Remember... the use of sex(1) and other related routines
should only occur between mature, consenting processes. If you
must use sex(1), please employ _condom_ to protect your process
and your synchronous process. If we are all responsible, we can
stop the spread of STVs.
AUTHORS and HISTORY The original version of _condom_ was
released in Roman times and was only marginally effective. With
the advent of modern technology, _condom_ now supports many more
options and is much more effective. The current release of
_condom_ was written by Ken Maupin at the University of Washing-
ton (maupin@cs.washington.edu) and was last updated on 10/7/92.
SEE ALSO celibacy(1), sex(1), pill(1), sponge(1), foam(1),
and setiud(3)